Sophia’s Reviews > Muslim Women and Misogyny: Myths and Misunderstandings > Status Update

So glad I had female Islamic tutors growing up because boy these horror stories.

It took an affair with a Sikh man to realise that sex should be enjoyable, it’s an interesting trajectory as well. And for her true sexual self to be unleashed. And for her to realise that she was never the problem which, of course, her husband going from “1st base to 5th base” tells you exactly how much of a selfish man he is. That’s violent to go from 1st to 5th base in under a minute.

TW / SA - “She lay there, dissociating from her body and wiling him to get it over with”. This is called rape.

I wish I could share Shaista’s story to one of my aunts & her husband who works in the nhs (not directly with patients). Shaista’s husband wouldn’t provide any foreplay & went straight to penetration, but at least, ig, in this case I’m assuming he’s stopped when she told him to stop cos it’s otherwise rape. Then being frustrated about getting her to relax (obviously some just expect you to relax).

Seeing as the community knew that he was unstable & aggressivex they should have told her. Omar Suleiman talks about this in 40 on justice. She’s saying she’ll seek advice from others now. Some are really good at hiding their true nature/feigning being a reformed man.. but I’d gather to say if there’s been a past history of unstable & controlling behaviour towards ex partners, that should be the guide.

Shariah courts not granting divorce when there’s domestic abuse or husbands with a new partner or having a family with a new partner and not giving their wife a divorce… I would drag the court and the man through the mud everywhere. What kind of behaviour is that. What about the verse in the Qur’an where divorce was granted and the verse came down not too long after, but shariah courts taking 10 years? Pssht.

Hmm that’s another thing, crazy and irrational as it is but it is love that compels women to stay in abusive relationships and marriages except that love becomes a trauma bond which is why it’s annoying when people don’t understand why women don’t leave but some women also don’t realise they’re in those kinds of relationships themselves.

This is crazy, this man and his mum asked his wife to take out a 40k loan. I’d want to divorce.

Ah textbook abusers saying they’ve never been angry like this before whereas their history (that they’ve volunteered themselves) says otherwise. Also in this case 70k on a wedding? That’s crazy. Actually crazy. The amount of holidays you could have gone in with that money.

Momodou Taal has it spot on. Maturity of Muslim communities in the west is limited because there’s a need to free themselves from modernity when in reality deen is interpreted through time & place. It’s a destructive myth.