Ivy Keating's Blog - Posts Tagged "feelgood"
Merry and Bright!
The holiday season can be a very festive time. But, expectations to be joyous can make us feel stressed. This year, especially in the face of the pandemic, we may need a little help to stay merry and bright. Here are three things to try in any situation that gets you down.
1. Stay in the moment. On the road to any lofty goal, whether it's enjoying the holidays or publishing a book, try not to focus on all the variables ahead but what's actually happening now. Being in control is comforting; think about what you can do in the moment and take things one step at a time.
2. Reframe the situation. This is something I learned from Social Work school. Try to think of something negative in a different way. For example, instead of saying, "It won't feel like Christmas if I can't see my relatives," try, "I'm going to be really creative to connect with my relatives."
3. Take the next step. When we're down about something it may be hard to move away from what's upsetting us. On the path to our goals, there are often disappointments and setbacks. But, try to remember - that's all they are: bumps in the road. The best way to feel better is to think what's the very next thing you can do to move forward. It's amazing how one small move in the right direction can gain momentum.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I wish everyone a wonderful holiday season, with good health and goal attainment! - Ivy
1. Stay in the moment. On the road to any lofty goal, whether it's enjoying the holidays or publishing a book, try not to focus on all the variables ahead but what's actually happening now. Being in control is comforting; think about what you can do in the moment and take things one step at a time.
2. Reframe the situation. This is something I learned from Social Work school. Try to think of something negative in a different way. For example, instead of saying, "It won't feel like Christmas if I can't see my relatives," try, "I'm going to be really creative to connect with my relatives."
3. Take the next step. When we're down about something it may be hard to move away from what's upsetting us. On the path to our goals, there are often disappointments and setbacks. But, try to remember - that's all they are: bumps in the road. The best way to feel better is to think what's the very next thing you can do to move forward. It's amazing how one small move in the right direction can gain momentum.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I wish everyone a wonderful holiday season, with good health and goal attainment! - Ivy
Reject the Rejection Blues
It's often a rocky path to our goals. But that does not mean you won't get there. Here’s my top 5 ways to brush yourself off and keep going, when things don't go your way!
1-Validate your feelings. It’s okay to be upset, angry, scared… any feeling you have is valid. Tell yourself that you accept that you feel this way. You can also validate your feelings by acknowledging them and saying to yourself, “It will be alright. We will find a way to deal with this.” It may seem silly, but trying to discount the way you feel could actually hurt your chances of success. You could pretend rejections don’t bother you at all, but this could lead to discounting the importance of your goals.
2-Be accurate. Don't dramatize the hurdle. Take for example, sending in a novel and a publishing house rejecting it. One rejection — even 50 rejections –– does not mean everyone and everyplace will pass on your idea. It just means this place did. When processing what happened, stick to the facts.
3-Look for the positive. In the example of a book rejection, perhaps the response came with a critique you could capitalize on. This type of rejection gave me great encouragement. Someone in the industry took the time to comment. Knowing they would look for my rewrite kept my spirits up. If you receive a form letter rejection, cross them off your list. At least you don’t have to wait any longer for their answer.
4-For every obstacle, find two ways to keep going. If I received a rejection on a query, I would look for two more places to send my novel. Keep the momentum going. Don't let a set back knock you off the path... go around it and power on.
5-Focus on your goal. The truth is, you only have to live with the rejection blues if you focus on the difficulties. Once you validate your feelings, try any of the suggestions above. We all face setbacks. It's how you move on from them that matters.
You can do it!
1-Validate your feelings. It’s okay to be upset, angry, scared… any feeling you have is valid. Tell yourself that you accept that you feel this way. You can also validate your feelings by acknowledging them and saying to yourself, “It will be alright. We will find a way to deal with this.” It may seem silly, but trying to discount the way you feel could actually hurt your chances of success. You could pretend rejections don’t bother you at all, but this could lead to discounting the importance of your goals.
2-Be accurate. Don't dramatize the hurdle. Take for example, sending in a novel and a publishing house rejecting it. One rejection — even 50 rejections –– does not mean everyone and everyplace will pass on your idea. It just means this place did. When processing what happened, stick to the facts.
3-Look for the positive. In the example of a book rejection, perhaps the response came with a critique you could capitalize on. This type of rejection gave me great encouragement. Someone in the industry took the time to comment. Knowing they would look for my rewrite kept my spirits up. If you receive a form letter rejection, cross them off your list. At least you don’t have to wait any longer for their answer.
4-For every obstacle, find two ways to keep going. If I received a rejection on a query, I would look for two more places to send my novel. Keep the momentum going. Don't let a set back knock you off the path... go around it and power on.
5-Focus on your goal. The truth is, you only have to live with the rejection blues if you focus on the difficulties. Once you validate your feelings, try any of the suggestions above. We all face setbacks. It's how you move on from them that matters.
You can do it!
Pause
If you told someone during the holiday season that you just read a blog titled, "Pause," they may think it had something to do with reindeer. But, just as important as Rudolf's red nose, a "pause" before we act can be just as valuable.
Our gut reactions are genuine. They should always be validated. If you feel hurt by what someone said, or joyous after an achievement, it's important to recognize how things affect you. Unfortunately, acting on an impulse can cause problems. An obvious reason it can be problematic is because it doesn't give us time to think. This is why a "pause" can be beneficial.
Take for example, a holiday dinner. You're with your family and someone says something that upsets you. What if, instead of responding, you paused? With a couple seconds of thought there are several techniques you could try to avoid a conflict. For example, you could take a deep breath and give your response in a calm, gentle tone as opposed to the agitated voice we often use when something bothers us. In that same pause, one could also cognitively reframe a hurtful comment, choose to believe the person cares, or acknowledge the person is taking interest in you. A pause can help stop you from saying something you might regret later. It gives you the opportunity to stay in control and proceed with a reply that you can feel good about.
Pauses are great for de-escalating a confrontation. They're also great for emphasizing something wonderful. Taking a moment shows the other person you are not only listening, but you're also thinking about what they said. This is very validating.
So, this holiday season, take a moment. Find ways to keep conversations pleasant, pause to de-escalate the bad, and take time to acknowledge the good.
I wish you all a very happy and healthy holiday season!
Our gut reactions are genuine. They should always be validated. If you feel hurt by what someone said, or joyous after an achievement, it's important to recognize how things affect you. Unfortunately, acting on an impulse can cause problems. An obvious reason it can be problematic is because it doesn't give us time to think. This is why a "pause" can be beneficial.
Take for example, a holiday dinner. You're with your family and someone says something that upsets you. What if, instead of responding, you paused? With a couple seconds of thought there are several techniques you could try to avoid a conflict. For example, you could take a deep breath and give your response in a calm, gentle tone as opposed to the agitated voice we often use when something bothers us. In that same pause, one could also cognitively reframe a hurtful comment, choose to believe the person cares, or acknowledge the person is taking interest in you. A pause can help stop you from saying something you might regret later. It gives you the opportunity to stay in control and proceed with a reply that you can feel good about.
Pauses are great for de-escalating a confrontation. They're also great for emphasizing something wonderful. Taking a moment shows the other person you are not only listening, but you're also thinking about what they said. This is very validating.
So, this holiday season, take a moment. Find ways to keep conversations pleasant, pause to de-escalate the bad, and take time to acknowledge the good.
I wish you all a very happy and healthy holiday season!
