If your partner feels distant from you and you don’t know what to make of it, it is fair for you to approach them and ask, “You seem distant. Is there anything you need from me right now?” Say this in a calm, neutral and curious tone of voice. Don’t try to fix them, or be too invasive. Just make an effort to get a reality check on where they are. Obviously there are hundreds of possible reasons.

If your partner can’t answer your question, or won’t, reassure them that you are here for them when they can. In the meantime, you are going to go live your life somewhere else for a few hours. Skip away. I’m not trying to treat you as if you’re dumb; I’m trying to help you simplify things because interactions can feel very confusing now that you’re trying to be a new and healthier individual.

An enmeshed couple tends to make things very complicated. You will be so pleased with yourself if you can get some muscle strength around dealing with reality checks versus mind reading and saying “no” and letting your partner figure their own stuff out, or happily giving them the specific thing that they are asking for.  You do all that and you will be one happy camper.

Take note: If my suggestion is really, really hard for you to imagine implementing without a fight ensuing or a chill being left in the air, then you should know that you are still struggling with mucho enmeshment with each other. Meaning that you are still vibrating too much off of each other like a tuning fork. You don’t want to be like a tuning fork together 24/7.  You want to get a sense of your individual selves, vibrate off of that, and then come back together again. For now, just know that too much enmeshment isn’t good for either of you. Even the baby has to leave its mother’s womb after nine months, silly!