Babysitting Quotes

“Why are you offering me ten thousand dollars a month for babysitting? You didn’t pay the nannies that. It’s ridiculous. For ten thousand a month, you should not only get child care, you should get your house cleaned, your laundry done, your tires rotated, and if I were you, I’d insist on nightly blow jobs. Did you think I wouldn’t notice that you’re still trying to keep your thumb on me?”
― Jennifer Crusie, Maybe This Time

“Rusty, Dad needs to work and I'm going out, so you're babysitting."
"I like that word," Rusty said, settling down for a nap. "Come, babies. Let us sit together.”
― Sarah Rees Brennan, Unspoken

“He was willing to pay her to hang around his house and paint Piper's fingernails? It sounded as easy as Britney Spears.”
― Erin McCarthy, Heiress for Hire

“Some parents sometimes use junk food as a babysitter.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Sometimes what we see as an instance of a toddler crying the toddler sees as it reasoning.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Never fear,” Julian drawled, leaning back with his palms pressing into the rug. “The house is not on fire, your daughter hasn’t ingested six different types of poison, and I haven’t managed to beat your high score in Tetris.”
― Katherine McIntyre, Wisdom Check

“After six long hours of driving and three rest stops, Tiger pulls up to a snow-topped, metal speaker box just outside the State Penitentiary's first gate in Walla Walla. As he rolls down his window and snow flies in his face, Joshua starts begging for a Happy Meal.
I turn around, snapping at him. "This ISN'T MCDONALDS and YOU AREN'T HUNGRY. NOW SHUT UP BRAT."
A loud scratchy masculine voice blasts out of the speaker. "CAN I HELP YOU?"
Tiger leans out the window, as he answers- We're here to visit Raven Chandler.
"HAVE YOU BEEN HERE BEFORE?"
"Yes sir. I've been here A LOT."
"WHERE'S HIS MOTHER?"
"I don't know.. I haven't seen her in months."
"NOT THE PRISONER'S MOTHER. THE BRAT IN THE BACK SEAT OF YOUR JEEP."
"Oh- HIM-" As he turns, smiling and sticking his tongue out at Joshua, I lean towards his window to answer the guard's question.
"SHE'S IN VEGAS, SIR. I'M BABYSITTING. HE'S MY GODSON." When the speaker remains disturbingly silent for far too long, I continue. "HE'S A GOOD BOY SIR. HE WON'T BE ANY TROUBLE- I SWEAR."
"THAT'S RIGHT," Tiger said. "HE SWEARS ON THE LITTLE BRAT'S MOTHER'S GRAVE.”
― Giorge Leedy, Uninhibited From Lust To Love

“Here are the rules for five-star babysitting of the Craig’s
List high order:
1) Be firm, but willing to compromise; a half-hour of G.I Joe
or Pokemon after bedtime in exchange for a couple hours of peace
and quiet is more priceless than Van Gogh. Compromise. If you
give them something they want, they’ll end up tucked in before
the boyfriend sends you a sext message.
2) If compromise isn’t an option, go for Valium—or at least
Xanax. Most moms have it in the medicine cabinet. And if you mix
it with milk, you’ll still be good for happy hour.
3) When all else fails, go for broke: cry. Crying, for a nineyear-
old, is tantamount to getting whacked with a wooden spoon
until cookies give you PTSD.
But the biggest rule, the one that breaking will definitely
earn you a pink slip; the one you’d have to be a supreme
knucklehead or complete noob to break—the one thing in all of
the sitting profession that is the golden rule is: do not lose
the kid. That’s kind of the big one.”
― Daniel Younger

“Derrick, you have to make the air move out of her tummy. You are not assaulting her. You're saving her from a stomach ache. ~Anne Howard”
― Laney Smith, Lock Creek: In Their Own Time

“Look at her,” he ordered. “She’s foaming at the mouth. That’s bad, right? Don’t they shoot you when you do that?”
“She’s blowing bubbles,” Grace explained. “At three months, we say it’s cute. We frown on it when a child turns six. At thirteen, a stem reprimand is in order. It’s only bubble-blowing adults we shoot.”
― Day Leclaire, Who’s Holding the Baby?

“Employers babysit parents while their children are at school.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Unfortunately, being alone with Mia was like being alone with sixty-five rabid cats who just did a few lines of coke.”
― Tara Sivec, The Simple Life

“Plan ahead start thinking about childcare options and cost as far in advance as you can-FREE MONEY FOR DAYCARE, Author V J SMITH BARNES AND NOBLE NOOK BOOK”
― V J Smith, THE BEST CRAFTS FOR TOTS BOOK

“You should never convince someone to buy bitcoin because you end up having to babysit their experience.”
― Olawale Daniel

“You want to see if you can train the evil singing nursery ghost to...do what? Babysit evil children?”
― J.L. Bryan, Lullaby