Crude Humor Quotes

“Ela did you just fart? Because you just blew me away.”
― Mark A. Cooper, Royal Decree

“[Science] works! Planes fly. Cars drive. Computers compute. If you base medicine on science, you cure people. If you base the design of planes on science, they fly. If you base the design of rockets on science, they reach the moon. It works... bitches.”
― Richard Dawkins

“Then I guess the rest of my life will be resigned to doggy style sex." The words were out of my mouth before I could think about them. "I mean however long...when we're...that wasn't a fucking proposal."
"Okay."
"Don't smile that. Smugness doesn't become you."
"Okay."
"Scoot the fuck over. You're hogging the bed."

Austin and Peter. :')”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass

“Everything is possible in America, except the production of intelligence.”
― Mie Hansson

“I will say one thing about those males, there is never a dull moment." Peri suddenly appeared causing everyone to jump.
"Bloody hell," Jen barked.
"Couldn't you send out some sort of signal that you're about to appear out of thin air?" Lilly asked.
"What do you expect me to do...fart just before I appear so the smell alerts you?" Peri took a seat next to Alina and crossed her legs, appearing regal despite her crude words.
"Why do you say we would be alerted by the smell, rather than the sound?" Sally asked.
Peri smiled. "I think you humans call them silent but deadly.”
― Quinn Loftis, Sacrifice of Love

“You can't polish a turd”
― Kenneth Turnbull

“Les psychiatres, c'est très efficace. Moi, avant, je pissais au lit, j'avais honte. Je suis allé voir un psychiatre, je suis guéri. Maintenant, je pisse au lit, mais j'en suis fier.

Psychiatrists are very efficient. Before, I used to wet the bed. I went to see a psychiatrist, and was cured. Now, when I wet the bed, I'm proud of it.”
― Coluche

“You do not buy Taco Bell, you rent Taco Bell and then return it to its ecosystem with a couple of flushes.”
― Chuck Wendig

“Is the princess still in the fitting room?"
"Oh no, darling. She appeared about half an hour ago. Poured herself a black coffee, and looked longingly at the cakes. That child is starving herself if you ask me. Now she's definitely too thin. European men do like a woman to have a little meat on her bones."
"And Prince Nicolas, have you seen him recently?"
"I haven't seen him since lunch. I gather he and Antone went out to shoot. And I expect Max went with them. They're only happy when they're shooting something. Apart from sex of course."
"Mother!" I gave her a warning frown. My mother glanced around at the other women, who were tucking into their tort with abandon.
"They won't understand. Their English is hopeless, darling. Besides, it is about time you are acquainted with the facts of life. I've hopelessly neglected my duty in that area. Men only have two thoughts in their heads. And those are killing or copulating."
"I'm sure there are plenty of men with finer feelings who are interested in art and culture."
"Yes, darling. Of course there are. They are called ferries. And they are quite adorable. So witty and fun to be with. But in my long and varied life I've found that the ones who are witty to be with are no use in bed. And vice versa.”
― Rhys Bowen, Royal Blood