Dad Jokes Quotes

“It was like a broken calculator... It just didn't add up.”
― Norm Macdonald, Based on a True Story: A Memoir

“There's no such thing as a superhuman. But the only thing I got to tell you, if you take a dog and kick him around he's got to be alert, he's got to be more sharper than you. Well, we've been kicked around for two thousand years. We're not more smarter, we're more alert.”
― Mordecai Richler, Barney's Version

“What is fastest, hot or cold?
Hot, you can catch a cold.”
― Santosh Kalwar, Gags and Extracts

“The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza store... and says, "Can you make me one with everything?”
― Santosh Kalwar, Gags and Extracts

“How do you repair a broken tomato?
Tomato Paste.”
― Santosh Kalwar, Gags and Extracts

“Whoever invented knock-knock jokes should get a no-bell prize.”
― Santosh Kalwar, Gags and Extracts

“A man has been stealing wheels off of police cars. They are working tirelessly to catch him.”
― Santosh Kalwar, Gags and Extracts

“Two artists had an art contest...It ended in a draw.”
― Santosh Kalwar, Gags and Extracts

“Get involved in life, and you will find why.”
― Santosh Kalwar, Gags and Extracts

“I just got a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters. It's shift work.”
― Santosh Kalwar, Gags and Extracts

“And Tumble would roll her eyes, because honestly, her dad need some new jokes.”
― Cassie Beasley, Tumble & Blue

“Wit has truth in it. Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words - Dorothy Parker

I do whatever it is that's in the third category she fails to mention - Seth Goldberg”
― Seth Goldberg

“Why was the Stegosaurus banned from the buffet?
Because he brought his own plates!”
― Max Hawthorne

“If ever there was a perfectly bad time to bring out a perfectly bad Dad joke, this was it.”
― H.C. Roberts, Harp and the Lyre: Exposed

“Everything is uphill! Even the downhill is uphill!”
― Alexander Szot, Thirteen O'Clock Strikes Back

“But then Duke said, 'C'mon, it'll build character.'
'You sound like my dad,' Tatiana grumbled.
'Is your dad always right too?' Duke asked with a grin.
Tatiana let out a long-suffering sigh.”
― Makana Yamamoto, Hammajang Luck

“I didn't need a reason to love you — just a chance to notice everything you are.”
― Emna's Book Editions, My Dad Rocks: 101 Reasons Why I Love You, Dad: A Guided Fill-in-the-Blank Journal for Dad