Debrac2014

“We thought we should list all legendary animals," Nigel explained – apparently without
realizing it – why they had visa problems. "Can't hurt to ask. Dragons are real, right?"
"Elves say they are." Jane desperately wanted a scotch but if she had one, Hal couldn't resist
needing one, and she didn't want go back down that road. "This list is suicidal if you're not
willing to defend yourself. This isn't Earth, where you can sit in your Jeep and take picture of
lions, or go sit in the middle of a bunch of apes. Most of these things will peel open an SUV like
it’s a can of sardines and make a snack of everything inside."
"It would be amusing to watch but it would end badly for you," Hal murmured. It was hard to
tell if he was making a play on his previous statement or if he didn't realize he was repeating
himself.
"The list is a starting point." Nigel leaned forward, face lighting up with inner fire. "To get us
in the door. What we want is all of Elfhome. To revel in all that it has to offer. The virgin iron
wood forest. The beautiful immortal elves. The strange and magical beasts. And the humans that
live peacefully side by side with all this."
Jane shook her head, trying to resist the power of a TV host beaming at her one-on-one.
"Don't snow job me."
"I've seen this kind of shit before," Taggart said with quiet intensity. "When a country goes
dark, its means someone has something it's trying to hide. And often what they're hiding is
horrible war crimes like mass graves and attempted genocide. Someone is keeping the media out
of Pittsburgh.”
― Wen Spencer, Project Elfhome

“And do you know what that goal is?"
I went for the most obvious choice: "Creating microburst hypnotropic flash-spam on a global scale?"
"Immortality, Mr. Cséjthe!" he exclaimed.
Oh, too bad . . .
Tell me that you've invented the next big marketing technology of the twenty-first century and you've got my attention. But "Immortality"? Why not throw "World Domination" in and cackle like a demented madman?
Demented madman—now there was a nice redundancy . . .”
― Wm. Mark Simmons, Habeas Corpses

“Taggart finally broke the pattern. "Can you at least explain why?"
Jane growled. God, she hated being outnumbered. This was like riding herd on her little
brothers, only worse because "I'll beat you if you do" wasn't an acceptable answer. "First rule of
shooting a show on Elfhome." She grabbed Hal and made him face each of the two newbies so
there was no way they could miss the mask of dark purple bruises across Hal's face. "Avoid
getting 'The Face' damaged. Viewers don't like raccoon boys. Hal is out of production until the
bruising can be covered with makeup. We've got fifty days and a grocery list of face-chewing
monsters to film. We have to think about damage control."
"Second rule!" She let Hal go and held up two fingers. "Get as much footage as possible of the
monster before you kill it. People don't like looking at dead monsters if you don't give them lots
of time seeing it alive. Right now we have got something dark moving at night in water. No one
has ever seen this before, so we can't use stock footage to pad. We blow the whistle and it will
come out of the water and try to rip your face off – violating rule one – and then we'll have to kill
it and thus break rule two."
"Sounds reasonable," Taggart said.
"Would we really have to kill it?" Nigel's tone suggested he equated it to torturing kittens.
"If it's trying its damnest to eat you? Yes!" Jane cried.”
― Wen Spencer, Pittsburgh Backyard and Garden

“You ever see Star Wars? The original ones?” “Don’t tell me—” “Yep. It looks like we landed on fucking Hoth. Except I see two itty bitty suns and a huge-ass moon.” “Not Hoth,” Liz yells. “It was the sixth planet from its sun, and I don’t recall it having a moon.” “Okay, nerd,”
― Ruby Dixon, Ice Planet Barbarians