Susan

“Dick is playing golf today. He asked if I would caddie for him, but I said I would prefer to have a complete stranger walk up and drill holes in my head with a Black & Decker.”
― Gillibran Brown, Fun With Dick and Shane

“If rumours are true a snail’s sex organs are located on the back of its head, how about that eh? It gives a whole new meaning to having your brains fucked out, no wonder their eyes are out on stalks.”
― Gillibran Brown, Fun With Dick and Shane

“Bloody Bears, don't bother getting one as a pet, they're too demanding and they shed everywhere.”
― Gillibran Brown, More Fun With Dick And Shane

“When I was done raking and bagging, I banged on the door and demanded entry /...let me in by the hair on your chinny, chin-chin/ (a fairytale moment there) Dick opened it and in his posthest voice, said that before he could possibly consider letting me re-cross the threshold he needed to ask me whether I was a good f*cking fairy or a bad f*cking fairy? Grinning, I told him that I was very wicked fairy and if he had a wand about his person that I could have lend of, I would prove it. He said that was the right answer and promptly yanked me inside where he located and presented me with his wand, breathily ordering the sorcerer's apprentice to perform magic with it. Judging by the look on his face afterwards, I knew I'd impressed him with my oral sorcery and I was more than happy with the short-lifting sorcery Shane performed on me as the same time.”
― Gillibran Brown, Fun With Dick and Shane