Astrid

“The task of watering the arid desert between Reagan’s ears is a challenging one for his aides.” And, continuing with the water imagery, a California legislator said, “You could walk through Ronald Reagan’s deepest thoughts and not get your ankles wet.”
― Andy Borowitz, Profiles in Ignorance: How America's Politicians Got Dumb and Dumber

“Imagine a hypothetical job applicant. He can't spell the simplest words, such as "heal" and "tap". Confused by geography, he thinks there's an African country called "Nambia". As for American history, he's under the impression that Andrew Jackson, who died in 1845, was angry about the Civil War, and that Frederick Douglass, who died in 1895, is still alive.
Given the alarming state of his knowledge, you might wonder what job he could get. Unfortunately, he's not hypothetical, and the job he got, in 2016, was president of the United States.”
― Andy Borowitz, Profiles in Ignorance: How America's Politicians Got Dumb and Dumber

“If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people-their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties-someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a "Liberal", then I'm proud to say I'm a "Liberal.”
― John F. Kennedy, Profiles in Courage

“Think about it...
The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump.
No wonder they don't believe in evolution.”
― Andy Borowitz