Diana

“When Thoughts Scream: The Self-Love Approach to Calming Inner Critics and Overwhelm When our thoughts scream, it’s a response to a perception of vulnerability. Whether that vulnerability is real or imagined, conscious or unconscious, doesn’t matter. Our nervous systems take no chances when it comes to survival; they respond to any kind of vulnerability as a matter of survival. You might want to get these inner voices and feelings to shut the hell up, but there’s a better way, a way that’s rooted in self-love. And it’s simple. I just need you to suspend your disbelief while you check out something new, do it at least twice, and then check to see if it worked after you’ve made those earnest attempts. Follow these steps: Consider the source of this overwhelm to be another person—or people, as the case may be. Listen to what’s being said. Stop trying to push these parts of you away or change them at all. Pause and listen. What are the complaints here? What do these parts of you fear is going to happen? What do they think you did wrong? Listen passively to every last complaint, every last insult. Reflect back what you’ve heard. Inside yourself (not out loud), repeat back all the complaints you’ve heard. Every last one. For example: “Okay, I hear that you think I’m garbage, that we’re going to fail, that everything is terrible…” Some people’s voices say very difficult things about aspects of their social identity, like skin color or gender expression. If this happens for you, simply reflect back these sentiments as well. Don’t add anything. Just let this part of you know that you hear them. After you’ve repeated back every complaint, ask inside if there’s more. We want to know all the complaints. Another good question to ask these parts of you is, “Am I getting it?” If there are more complaints, reflect those back again just like you did in step 3. In your own words and in a kind tone, say to these parts of you, “Now I’ve heard every complaint—and I get it. I get why you’re upset. But, now that I’m hearing and understanding you, do you think you could turn down the volume here? Could you bring the intensity down a bit so that I can have the space to do something about it?” If the complaints persist, it’s because there’s still more on the table or these parts of you don’t feel like you’ve sufficiently heard or understood them. No one continues to scream if they feel truly heard and understood. Repeat steps 1–6.”
― Ralph De La Rosa, Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs