xy | silas

“[...]Like that. Yes. You’re doing it well.” He said the words he wished his Father had told him. “I’m very proud of you.” And though his voice shook, her smile made him surer of his decision than all else. ‘God will never love me again.’ He pulled her close and kissed her forehead. ‘But I won’t miss His love. I won’t miss Him.’ It was a lie, but he had been lying to himself for so long, had been a sinner all along. ‘I’ll learn to believe it.”
― Rafael Nicolás, Angels & Man

“Actually," she says, releasing his hand, "you do. I think you want to be you more than anything. You want to be the person you could have been without all the bullshit, yes?" He's frowning but he's receptive. "That's what I wanted, too. And that's what I eventually became. But it takes time, and it takes work - even the 'drag them into girlhood kicking and screaming' method requires something of you eventually - and more than anything else it takes understanding yourself. Picking out the parts of yourself that are real and not just more of the bullshit. Think of this as another shot at adolescence. It actually is, in many ways, since the basement can be a lot like a very small residential school and your body really is going through a whole lot of changes. Your first adolescence wasn't quick, was it? And was it easy? No. You're growing up all over again, as someone kinda new and kinda not, and you can't rush these things.”
― Alyson Greaves

“They remind me of something, some other travelers—
‘Two great-uncles who went west years ago
And got lost in Colorado
Looking for the good life.
I have a picture of them; each is smiling,
Glad to be young and strong.
But you never know, traveling, around what bend
The dreams will curve to an end,
And what will happen then.”
― Mary Oliver, Twelve Moons

“In the body I was born with, I had been invisible as the person I considered myself to be; I had been invisible as a queer while the form of my body made my desires look straight. Now, as a dyke I am invisible among women; as a transsexual, I am invisible among dykes. As the partner of a new mother, I am often invisible as a transsexual, a woman, and a lesbian. I’ve lost track of the friends and acquaintances these past nine months who’ve asked me if I was the father. It shows so dramatically how much they simply don’t get what I’m doing with my body. The high price of whatever visible, intelligible, self-representation I have achieved makes the continuing experience of invisibility maddeningly difficult to bear.”
― Susan Stryker, My Words to Victor Frankenstein above the Village of Chamounix: Performing Transgender Rage