MiniMario

“Yo mama is so skinny… she turned sideways and disappeared.”
― Johnny B. Laughing, Yo Mama Jokes Bible: 350+ Funny & Hilarious Yo Mama Jokes

“About an hour and a half later, he poked his head out the back door. I was sitting in the grass in our backyard. “You can come on in if you want,” he said. “Also, wash your hands before you touch stuff. That conference hall floor smelled like dog shit and you were crawling around like a little monkey on it.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

“that is what abuse is: knowing you are going to get salt but still hoping for sugar for nineteen years.”
― Amanda Lovelace, The Princess Saves Herself in this One

“On Lego's

"Listen, I don't want to stifle your creativity, but that thing you built there, it looks a pile of shit.”
― Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says