Status Updates From Room to Breathe

I am having a hard time liking this book and I'm only 25% into it. I don't feel the connection in the characters. The story appears to be bland so far and if I'm going to be honest, I'm also having a little difficulty like the protagonist altogether. I'm not sure if I want to continue at this point. Disappointed :(

Just so we don't forget Pimp!Jesus' origin story:

...Eric says in his commanding Lord voice.

He also uses that voice when he give Communion to his disciples.

He kisses me and know that no matter what we will face tomorrow, next week, or even next year we will fact it together.

O__O

"Eric, I do love you and you do really love me don't you?"

Even at the end, this writing makes me cringe. I do think it sucks and you do really think it sucks too don't you? >:D

I love kissing him. I could spend an entire day attached to his mouth.

o_O

That's an interesting way of phrasing it. What if you had to spend an entire day with his mouth attached to your elbow? Still sexy?

"I love you too Cora," he says as he pulls me into a deep kiss. His tongue is dancing madly with mine.

Oh, not the dancing tongues again.

"I always knew Lucinda's karma would come back to her, but I never thought at the cost of her life. I feel awful for her and her family but I can't stop being grateful that she stopped you from going."

At the cost of her LIFE?

Charming, Pimp!Jesus. I hope you catch your balls on fire and FALL OFF A CLIFF. D:

"Well she took my phone from my handbag and sent Harrison a message telling him that I had changed my mind and that I was sending her in my place. [...] So, it was Lucinda that went to Japan and Lucinda who was in the village that was destroyed."

*EXPLODES*

THEY KILLED LUCINDA! D:

WTF is this book? I don't even ... LUCINDA! Be at peace, sweet angel. :(

Pimp!Jesus flounces to his friend's London home in order to plan a rescue mission, and then my day is ruined. :(

For the first time since learning about the tsunami, he is able to breathe. There, sitting on the edge of a high backed chair with tear-streaked cheeks, is Cora Allen.

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

*throws furniture*

NEGATIVE 100 BILLION STARS!

He then scans through his old messages from Jane until he finds the one about Cora leaving. He looks up the name of the village she would have been in. Horrified, he sees that Kamoshi is right in the middle of the worst of the destruction.

You guys. I can't even. If Cora Sue was washed out to sea, I'll give this fucker FIVE STARS! *crosses fingers*

So, Cora Sue flails away to Japan, and then - I'm not fucking kidding - IT LITERALLY STARTS TO CRUMBLE:

"Well, yes. There was a large earthquake off the coast. It created a huge tsunami. Large portions of the country were washed away," Dean explains.

"What do you mean 'washed away'?"

"They are just gone."

*dies laughing, comes back to life, and dies again*

CORA SUE KILLED JAPAN! D:

Behold Cora Sue's insane love logic:

"Yes, I do love him but no matter what anyone wants to tell me, I don't believe that he really loves me. You don't let someone you love walk away."

o_O

Isn't there some old proverb that says if you love something, let it go? Plus, CORA SUE, if you loved him that much, why did YOU walk away from HIM? Your stupid logic is a 2-way street.

LOGIC NINJA KICK!

Gah. Here are some secondary characters being creepy in front of Cora Sue:

"That isn't the point. You and I have meddled enough in this whole affair. Now don't pout. It just makes me want to spank you all night and I still have work to do," he says, pulling Jane to him and running his thumb across her bottom lip.

WTF? THIS IS NOT HOW PEOPLE ACT.

"Tristan thought Eric was falling love with you. Just the way he was acting wasn't anything like him and it turns out he was right."

"Well that is debatable but go on." I am not sure I have the energy for this.

It is NOT debatable, you insufferable twit! He TOLD YOU multiple times that he loves you. TO YOUR FACE.

Why the hell does this miserable story drag on and on? D:

I need a hug.

So, Pimp!Jesus declares his love, and Cora Sue ... sends him away.

"Do you know what it is like to feel unloved? To think one the person who means the most doesn't love you? It makes you question everything. Your entire value in the world. Everything."

I wish a black hole would open up in the floor and suck these two assholes into an inescapable pit of alligators.

"No! I. Love. You. Cora. And I know you love me. It is that simple," he says with the fire blazing in his eyes.

I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. I can't seem to find a way to process this.

WTF is so hard about processing it? He even added periods. between. every. word. for. you.

He looks like a walking orgasm.

Oh, God. I think my brain just broke. D:

I know you all love it when Cora describes a room. :P

I am sitting in my favorite room in the Cooper's large home. It is a large sitting room. It has comfortable couches and lots of natural light. There is also a large grand piano in one corner. I don't know how to play but it inspires me to try.

For some reason, the word "large" is stuck in my head now. No idea why ...

Also, it's Coopers'. o_O

Cora Sue on the relationship she has with her protector/john/whatevs Harrison to Claire:

"I mean that it's a date but it isn't a date. I mean it is kind of a job but isn't really a job. It just makes it hard to figure out how to act."

"I understand that? Have you fucked him yet?" she blurts out.

85% through the story, and Cora Sue still doesn't know she's a prostitute.

"No but my world is Cora's world," Dean points out. After all the one thing he has in common with Cora is where they come from, more than just both being from America.

*scratches head*

What does that last sentence MEAN? I feel like that last fragment doesn't belong there. THIS SHOULDN'T BE SO HARD. D:

ZOMG. Watch out for Cora Sue the Humanitarian!

She picks ONE pair of shoes and ONE handbag from her massive, unnecessarily expensive wardrobe that Pimp!Jesus bought her and says this:

"I am going to take the money and donate it a charity that helps with clean water," I smile as her jaw drops.

Is this supposed to make me like her? Because I still hate her. A lot. o_O

We haven't spoken much since Saturday night and when we do he won't look at me. I am still at a loss as to what made him change towards me so quickly. He won't even stay in the room once I enter.

I didn't want to be the one to tell you, Cora Sue, but it's because you SMELL OF DESPERATION.

The universe need another helping of commas. Travel well, faithful friends! ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Cora Sue just drank 4 tequila shots in a row. I'm sure this will end well. >:D Bwahahahaha!

"Please just go away," Miranda says sternly steeping in front of Lucinda and turning her back on her, effectively shutting her out of our conversation.

Holy shit, MIRANDA'S A CUP OF TEA! D:

I know I sound delusional but they weren't there. I don't know how to explain to them that during sex is when I feel Eric and I are the most honest with each other.

Isn't that the prime example of a relationship based on lust rather than mutual trust and love. Cora is so fucking stupid. If a brain-eating parasite crawled into her ear, it wouldn't have anything to eat.

"Are you fucking joking? Cora," he says in a sexy breathy whisper.

Sexy breathy whisper?

He plus back from me slightly. "You are mine. Do you understand? Mine. Every inch of you is mine. This sweet mouth with your perfect pink tongue. Mine."

Before he got into the sex trade, Pimp!Jesus was a seagull in Finding Nemo. True story.

Oh, and "plus" is not my typo.

I scan the room looking for a waiter, or whatever their official title is, but I can't seem to find one.

o_O

All this fuss over giving an official title to the waiters serving you wine, but you haven't bothered to figure out what the fuck Pimp!Jesus is? And "Lord" is NOT an answer.

Cora Sue is gifted with the woman-hating insecurity that NA heroines love. Watch the cow in action.

This man must have most women throwing their panties at him when he walks into a room. I think I can actually hear Lucinda panting.

Good thing I am not most women.

Moo!

He is giving entirely too much attention to someone that is so pretty, even if she is married.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I am wearing a short strapless hot pink dress that is flowy from just under my breast to about mid-thigh. The top part around my breasts is covered in crystals.

Is she a little girl fantasizing about her future prom dress? Oh, no! Cora's just describing the outfit she chooses to wear while keeping company with aristocrats and a "gazillionaire" (as she refers to Tristan) for dinner. Classy. >:D