Status Updates From Scary Stories for Bananaphobes

This one is in danger of being a DNF.

"These aren't dogs at all, they're attack-bananas."

Didn't like this one ("Fire vs. Fire") much

"The banana grabbed a cricket bat and took a swing at the child"

"The fact that the Apes currently have dominion over life on Earth means nothing. Apes were created to be ruled by the Banana."

"[...] Are you scared? You should be," says the banana.

Why did they change the cover? The old one was so much cooler!

"[...] blueberries and watermelons have weak characters. They are submissive. But bananas are a proud race. We will not be treated like this. We will put a stop to humankind."

HUMANS SUCK, BANANAS RULE.

"I don't know why this banana is doing what he's doing. He has a grudge against humans, maybe. He's a misanthrope. Who cares. He's a murderer. A mass-murderer."

"YOU convince yourself that the banana has moved away so YOU lift your head and open your eyes."

"Banana evil. Me good. House is protect. Hearth is safe. Banana got teeth. Banana sniff for me. I hide under bed. I hide. I hide. Me safe here."

These are so silly 🙈🍌