Status Updates From Hayseed

Plan to read this one before the pumpkin patch on Friday!😜

HELL YEAH HE'S GETTING CUCKED

i keep thinking Peedee is Peepee

For my weef

And now for a sharp 180, book club number 2

“Come for me, Maisie. Please, goddess. I’m yours to use.”

““By the gods, let me worship you, my radiant harvest. Let me show him what he’s lost.”

“You’ll serve as the worthless brigands and foul abusers before you have done; your blood will do far more beneath the soil than it ever has above it.”

“I don’t ask for much, May, why do you act like this? Christ. I’m not gonna propose to a girl who can’t even manage to look respectable.”

I hope he dies

“I’d bought it as a joke for a Halloween costume last year—I wanted to go as an old-timey saloon girl, but Dan had vetoed it at the last minute, saying it made me look like a prostitute.”

Kill him

“Dan firmly believed pants were for men, never hesitating to remind me if I made the mistake of wearing them.”

Holy fuck girl break up with him my god