Florence Salmon > Recent Status Updates

'Burroughs is in Tangiers I don't think he'll come back it's sinister,'
Baby, I think the sinister part of that is the fact that good ol' Willster fled to Tangier to escape persecution for murdering his wife? And then spent all his time in Morroco fiddling kids?? Like, calm down, I really don't think you want that freak back in the country.

Anaïs Nin mention!! Who up being the only true feminine writing that has ever appeared? (But seriously, Miller, what da hell does that even mean?!)

I GOT A CHARLEY HORSE, IT AIN'T FAIR!

I keep forgettong this book is about a guy with the initial R falling in love with a girl named Julie... they gotta stop writing novels about my life... Norwegian royalty is about to get a visit from the Kaczynski Second Coming... Ka-boom...

Keep running your mouth about Maine and I might just put this book down and read some Bachman toxic yaoi. YOU AIN'T MAINE'S OWN.

Lord, strand me on Throuple Island with two insecure nerds and a beautiful lady... Lord, I beg of thee...

Lieutenant Hardman? Ain't that the fella that sold the world?

Stop beating us around the head with how skinny and waif you are, white woman. I do not care, I have never cared, I hope you are swept away by a gentle breeze and that a passing, detached leaf snaps you in two.

Bataille invented lesbian A/B/O. Non-stop proclamations of how 'in heat' these ladies are. Literally so many "hungry" middle-aged women.

Phoenix just told an underaged girl in poverty, who was struggling to provide food for her family, to 'make better choices next time' concerning men financially coercing and physically forcing her into performing sexual acts. I am genuinely dumbfounded. What is the message here.
I am not joking when I say that I have read My Chemical Rimance piss kink fanfiction with more literary skill and merit than this novel.

'A tear rolled down my cheek. It wasn't over. Silly of me to think it was.' I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU EBONY DARKNESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WAY IF YOU SO MUCH AS MENTION HOW POWERFUL AND CHOSEN YOU ARE YOU SACK OF Y/N SHIT. HOW WAS THIS GOD AWFUL BOOK PUBLISHED IM TWEAKIN.

'When she saw me, her eyes nearly popped out of her head', 'I was hot like the sun', 'It heated up like a furnace', and other martyrdom-worthy phrases that could only be produced by a mind of unfettered erudition. I am currently banging my head against the wall and have a concussion. I am drooling, and I have one perfectly curled length of hair resting upon my forehead like a caricature of infancy. Jesus wept.

'Saeed hadn't drawn the apple. He'd eaten it. And it killed him. My mind went to one of my books. The Bible. I was Eve and he was Adam.'
Are you thick? Are we all so stupid? Didn't even put the bow on the turd before you put it under the tree, huh? Regurgitated, boring, sweaty slop eleven pages in. Just put the carabine to my head and let the saltpetre blow on through the hole, madame.

Addie real as fuck for proclaiming Jewel as her saviour and salvation, I been saying the same shit too. #wanthim #thehotBundren

AW HELL NAH. RAFE MENTION. SILVER SPRINGS IS CALLING. STOP HAUNTING MY NARRATIVE. Goddamn boozehound.

Everyone chatting right shit about Peabody and getting a rope to haul him up a hill... he weighs 225... I think you guys are trying to give him body dysmorphia that's like a normal weight I fear... in fact, in my tubby lard cage opinion, that's not enough... every dude should be 200 MINIMUM lest the cage gain another victim... Dominick the lard entices you...

Klemmer reading Erika's freaky letter had the equivical emotional effect to that of the 'Hello Everypony' drawing being revealed to its unwitting subject. I would say.
I fear she is me and I am she. The misdeeds of my past will forever lick my ears. #JarvisCockerP.T.A.

Fellas. I'll be honest. Only reading this one so I can reference it in my Saint Peter the Apostle fic. My yaoi is a fish, or whatever.

Richards smokes so much in the hopes that Ringo Starr ('[the] drummer... with that English group, the Beatles') may gain immortality once and for all. Remember kids: every cigarette you smoke takes one hour of Paul McCartney's life and gives it to Ringo.

"One of the coolest seemed to be a little guy, very quick of movement, who had a sharp profile, pale blue eyes, light brown hair, and squared eyeglasses."
Fellas, you aren't gonna believe who features in this tale of Sinatra woe.
Hint: it's my five foot nuthin' boyfriend.

Ho is you writing about me? Literature student who's a hopeless romantic and smokes too much? Sometimes, I fear I'm a caricature.

So perplexed by this freak only having a limited repertoire of names to cycle through. Trust, every character will be named Helen or Catherine. Does he know there are other women? Like in general?

OH GOD NO HES TALKING ABOUT ELLIOTT SMITH. MAYBE WE WERE THE REAL PERFORMATIVE MALES ALL ALONG.

There is something so sacrilegious about mentioning Twin Peaks and Infinite Jest in the same sentence. If you're performative, just say that. Don't drag Lynch into this.

And if even one of you comments some stupid shit like 'you're coping terribly', I will explode you with my mind.

'Autism didn't exist back in my day!'
My brother in Christ, you showed up in cosplay to watch the same performance every night for a month, imagining conversations you would have with the characters. R.I.P. Bulgakov, you would've loved selfshipping Tumblr.

Guys he just found out about homosexuals I'm shaking

Bro does NOT know about homosexuals, this is gonna blow his MIND!! Fujo out, Mr. Berger!

Bankole really hit 'em with the classic 'you're so mature for you're age'. Pack it in, Grandpa.

Lauren so beautiful tryna crack a lad forty years older than her, I'm praying this is what Earthseed is all about (Julian Barratt this review is dedicated to you).