Zoella > Recent Status Updates

“I step back, letting her in. “Come in, mom.” — Like the dead mom??

“Tomorrow, I’m going to figure out how to put that ring on her finger.” — For fuck’s sake you are 18 years old 🥲

“Sex is a big deal to me since I’ve managed to go this long without it but” — GIRL YOU’RE MAXIMUM 18 YO CHILL YOUR TITTIES

“I shudder to think of what could have happened if I hadn’t gotten there in time.” — I’m actually curious too, a whole ass private school and you just let everyone die? No firefighters or something??

“You bastard,” she hisses.” — Οκ αλλά τώρα τι σου φταίει το παιδί ρε κοπέλα μου εσύ πήγες να τον βιντεοσκοπήσεις κρυφά φταίει αυτός που το κατάλαβε;

“Zane,” dad slips right back into his fake, parental role, “that’s no way to talk to your new sister.” — HUHH??

“Zane,” dad slips right back into his fake, parental role, “that’s no way to talk to your new sister.” — HUHH??

“But you don’t know if you don’t try—whether it’s a relationship with family or a relationship with a guy.” - jeez bro, we said Dutch is toxic - you’re starting to be desperate

FYI all this time I’ve been picturing Dutch dark haired

“At once, I feel invisible chords binding around my wrist. I have a good idea who just texted him and what that person requested.” - Ok, I will skip the fact you feel him when you’re in the same room. But you FELT he TEXTED ZANE? Gurl you sure you’re not a psychic or something 😂

“You will always be at my mercy, Cadey.” - Ok but now he deserves some laxative in his burger to show who is in who’s mercy

“I’m learning self-defense just so the next time he backs me into a locker or a wall or an empty stairwell, I can crack his arm off.” - I don’t want to ask where she found the money, but I bet this information will be used soon

“I have no idea when things started to change, but I’m drawn to him. To the brokenness in him. ” - As someone who has NOTHING to do with psychology, I could write a 10 page review on why this is connected to your past trauma

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” - Bro wants to play it off as a mysterious guy and we’re here like if only you knew what YOU don’t know about HER

“I hear his heavy footsteps padding toward me even above the music.” - girl HOWWW

I can’t with the triangle 😂😂

Girl just kissed him (she’s the one who started the kiss) and slapped him - bro must be so confused 😂

“You ate my sandwich” - My sandwich?
MY SANDWICHHH?
Please get the Ross reference

Ok, found out what Brahms is

“The only thing you need to know is that we don’t want you here” - OH NO let me go cry in my corner 🙃

I stg I have no idea why he calls her Brahms

KICK HIM IN THE BALLS - he may be stronger but he’s not that strong

““We don’t ever target punks who haven’t done us a personal wrong” - proceeds to say they will BULLY A GIRL that got a scholarship when a POSITION OPENED - I mean that’s definitely a personal wrong

Ok so she tells her Dutch looked like he wanted to pick her up and lick her face?? Like aside from the question “what kind of golden retriever expression is this”, THEY HAVEN’T EVEN HAD A CONVERSATION LIKE CHILL