average human’s Reviews > Expecto Patronum > Status Update

“Why?” Ron asked curiously.

“Cause apparently my ideas aren’t happy enough for the fuckin’ patronus,” Harry sneered.

“Can’t imagine why,” Blaise said, his voice heavily laced with sarcasm. “You’re such an optimistic person.”

Harry ignored Blaise and pulled his parchment and quill from his pocket. He passed it to Susan first.

“Just— will you guys just try and think of ideas and write them down? I’ve used every memory I’ve got, haven’t I? I need it to be corporeal.”

“Don’t you already get a cloud?” Theo asked, having seen Harry try it a few times the summer after third year. “That’s already very advanced.”

“I want to beat Snape,” Harry said. “Lupin said Snape did his during his OWLS and I want to too.”

Nobody looked very convinced of Harry’s argument so he tried to use an incentive instead.

“If yours works and I get an actual animal I’ll give you a bottle of firewhisky,” he said. He pat his pocket to give as much proof of its existence as he could. With Snape’s watchful gaze, and McGonagall’s eagle eyes, he wasn’t going to risk pulling it out.

It would be a pain if Sirius got fired for giving it to him when Harry did quite a bit of work to get him hired in the first place.

Fred snatched the parchment from Susan, winking at Harry as he added something to the sheet before sliding it to Draco who had his hand out.

“I don’t want your alcohol, but I am relieved you found something worthwhile to work on,” Hermione said as she added her idea.

“What’d ya think I was going to do?” Harry asked, tilting his head curiously.

“Raise the dead, purchase a country and rename it Harry-land, start an army, nothing too insane,” Hermione said with an absurd amount of seriousness.

“Well I don’t have any bodies to turn in to inferi,” Harry pointed out logically. “I don’t need a whole country, yet, cause I’ll have this one eventually, won’t I? And I’ve already got an army, the defense club.”

Only Fred, Susan, Blaise, and Luna looked nonplussed by that, everyone else had insulting looks of surprise on their faces.

“Terrifying,” Neville quipped. “It’s terrifying that Mione was kidding and you already have all those things figured out.”

“Ta,” Harry said, snatching the parchment away from Hermione once she finished writing on it. “Gotta be prepared, right?”

Nobody seemed impressed by that argument so Harry just shrugged.

Couldn’t please everyone he supposed.



Harry decided that every time his friends were busy studying for their OWLS, or Fred was working on getting inventory ready for his shop, that he would work on his patronus.

Which wound up being a bloody lot that week.

He stayed in his dorm though, not wanting to broadcast his failure for anyone else to see. He just sat quietly on the edge of his bed and moved down the list of ideas his friends wrote for him to try.

He pulled the parchment out and read it over again;

Susan- riding the ferris wheel together

Fred- our first date (or our first duel before the snake)

Draco- pranking Umbridge

Ron- winning quidditch cup third year

Luna- getting your Hogwarts letter

Neville- coming back to Hogwarts 2nd year

Blaise- dueling

Theo- Snape naming you his heir

Hermione- winning the tournament

Some of those he’d already tried, but a few were new ideas. But he dutifully made his way down the list, trying out each one.

He was losing his patience though once he got to Luna’s idea and it still didn’t work. If Luna, Fred, and Susan were all wrong, then maybe Harry just didn’t understand happiness like people thought he didn’t understand empathy or regret or sadness or fear.

Harry knew what people thought of him. He was too cold, too unemotional, too prone to violence.

He didn’t want to prove them right.

Harry inhaled slowly through his nose, pushing the air back out in an even force. He cleared his mind before looking down at the last recommendation.

Harry’s mind brought up the events that played out just a few days after the third task in the Triwizard Tournament.

Fudge had announced his name, the winner, the victor, the best of the best. Snape had given him his proud look, silently telling Harry with his eyes that Harry had done well. His friends were all at their spot at the dinner table, screaming, cheering, with huge smiles on their faces.

Dumbledore looked cold, angry in Harry’s choices, but that only served to make it an even happier memory.

”Expecto Patronum!”

Harry watched as the silver mist flew from his fingertips and finally, finally, formed a...

“What the fuck is that?” Harry laughed to himself. The odd animal was obviously a furry, four-legged, something. But damn if Harry had any idea what it was. It was kind of cute though; small as a book, only a couple feet long and barely taller than Harry’s ankles. It’s pointed face made him think of a rat, but the furry tail it had made him desperately hope it wasn’t an actual rat.

“Can you send messages?” Harry asked it eagerly, tricking himself with its lifelike beady eyes. The weird little thing just yawned at him, showing a mouthful of sharp teeth.

“‘Kay...” Harry frowned down at it and pulled on his magic while he tried to command it. “Go to Severus Snape, tell him: ‘It’s Harry, what animal is this?’”

It must have worked because the not-a-rat-but-not-a-dog blinked at him then scurried out of the room, passing invisibly through the wall.

Harry wondered if he could make a bunch of them, just send multiple messages at once and decided to test it out while he waited on Snape’s reply.

He sent one to Sirius with a very smug message telling him he figured it out. Then he sent one to Luna, thinking she’d like the animal, with a much nicer ‘Hi it’s Harry’ and one to Hermione telling her she was a genius and he had her prize if she wanted it.

Harry paced around the dorm after that, waiting on Snape’s reply. It took nearly twenty minutes, but finally Snape’s silver fox came running gracefully up to him.

“A Tasmanian devil, Harry. You have manifested your magic in to a Tasmanian devil. Congratulations, brat.”

Snape sounded amused, like there was something funny about Harry’s patronus. Probably the devil part, that was kind of funny considering how many people thought Harry was evil.



It hadn’t even occurred to Harry that Snape might not have replied.

Chapter End Notes

Up Next: “Hello, do you have a moment to talk about Tom Riddle? No? Do you have a moment to drink this definitely not Veritaserum-laced cup of tea? Excellent.”