Wouter van Noort’s Reviews > The Throne of Fire > Status Update
Wouter van Noort
is 88% done
[Fatal mistake, Carter. Giving me the microphone at the most important part? You'll never get it back now. The end of the story is mine. Ha-ha-ha!] Oh, that felt good. I'd be excellent at world domination.
— May 13, 2026 07:19AM
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Wouter’s Previous Updates
Wouter van Noort
is 73% done
For the second time that week, I woke on a sofa in a hotel room with no idea how I'd gotten there. The room wasn't nearly as nice as the Four Seasons Alexandria. The breeze smelled of apple sisha - fruity molasses scent of water-pipe smoke. In other words, I knew we must be in Cairo.
— May 13, 2026 03:28AM
Wouter van Noort
is 64% done
I guess we're even, Sadie. First, Walt and I rushed off to save you in London. Then, you and Walt rushed off to save me. The only one who got shafted on both deals was Walt. Poor guy gets hauled all over the world pulling us out of trouble. But I'll admit I needed the help.
— May 12, 2026 04:09PM
Wouter van Noort
is 57% done
Yes, Carter, the whole business with the water demons must've been horrible. But I feel no sympathy for you, as 1) you brought that trip entirely on yourself, and 2) while you were rescuing Zia, I was dealing with camels. Camels are disgusting.
— May 12, 2026 11:05AM
Wouter van Noort
is 48% done
At this point, I should change my secret name to Embarrassed to Death by Sister, because that pretty much sums up my existence.
— May 12, 2026 06:51AM
Wouter van Noort
is 40% done
I understand, Carter. I do. Have me narrate the most painful part. Of course, I can't blame you. What happened was awful enough for me, but for you - well, I wouldn't want to talk about it either.
— May 12, 2026 02:17AM
Wouter van Noort
is 29% done
Well, you talked long enough, brother dear. As you've been babbling on, everyone's been imagining me frozen in the doorway of Gran and Gramps's flat, screaming "AАННННН!"
— May 11, 2026 03:41PM
Wouter van Noort
is 21% done
Thanks a lot, Sadie. Hand me the mic right when you get to a good part. The world was ending in four days, we had a quest to complete, and she goes off to party with her friends. Really had her priorities straight, huh? Not that I was bitter, or anything.
— May 11, 2026 08:26AM
Wouter van Noort
is 13% done
Carter here. Look, we don't have time for long introductions. I need to tell this story quickly, or we're all going to die.
— May 11, 2026 02:56AM
Wouter van Noort
is 6% done
If you didn't listen to our first recording, well... pleased to meet you: the Egyptian gods are running around loose in the modern world; a bunch of magicians called the House of Life is trying to stop them; everyone hates Sadie and me; and a big snake is about to swallow the sun and destroy the world.
— May 10, 2026 03:25PM
