Clark Oris’s Reviews > The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself, Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness > Status Update

One thing I’ve also learned was from the chapter “you are not the center of the world” was you could be the main protagonist of your own life, but never in the whole world. A narcissist will think of himself as the protagonist and manipulate people so he can get whatever he wants. But a self centred person can care for himself and contribute to the community which is the whole world. Do great things in life!

“Exist in the present”

What I learned from this chapter was never look at someone for who they are because of the actions they do. Instead, follow the “level of beings” because just you being there is enough, you exist and you matter 🫵🏼

“Do not rebuke or praise” chapter blew my mind 🤯

The chapter says do not praise because it’s a form of manipulation. Think about it. When you say “good job” or “that’s great” wouldn’t you think they’re mocking you because they think you’re lower than you? (Vertical relationship). Create a horizontal relationship where 2 people are equal 🟰.

A single quote from the chapter “what real freedom is” got embedded in my heart and brain. “ It’s that you dislike by someone it is proof that you exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and sign that you were living in accordance with your own principles”

The book is not saying do bad things, engage in wrongdoings. Learn to live for you, not for someone’s recognition (separation of tasks).

“Desire of a recognition makes you unfree”

What should one do to not be disliked by anyone? There’s only one answer: it is to constantly gauge other people‘s feelings while swearing loyalty to all of them.

This hits hard because I used to be a people pleaser, now I just please myself for me 🙏 never manage someone’s feelings because you can’t control it.

“Intervening in other people’s task and taking on other people’s task turn one’s life into something had been in full of hardship” I knew this from the let them theory by Mel Robbin’s (great book btw) it’s a nice little reminder that you can’t change someone, only them. You can assist but you can’t change them.

“Life is not a competition” the moment you start thinking of others as superior to you, you are falling into feelings of inferiority. Eventually will lead to inferiority complex. We must do what Alfred Adler says “pursuit of superiority”, don’t think of this as superior complex, it doesn’t meant becoming better than anyone else in an arrogant way. He meant to grow, improve, be capable for yourself 🫵.

If you change your lifestyle— the way of giving meaning to the world and yourself — then Both your way of interacting with the world and your behaviour will have to change as well. Really powerful. I think what it meant was when people say there current lifestyle is the cause of their past, that is simply not true. I choose to be happy, I choose to push forward, I choose to try my best. Choose now, not the past.

The lesson that stuck to me was we choose anger as a reason to overpower a person. We choose to get angry because we want to dominate the other person, feel big as much as possible. The book said “anger is a tool” and I felt that the most. Just like you when you’re mad at someone, doesn’t mean you have to be mad at the other person. It’s a tool for people to dominate.