Clark Oris’s Reviews > The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself, Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness > Status Update

Chapter “Shine a light on the here and now” is what I stand in life. Don’t live in the past because it’s causes depression, and don’t worry about the future because it’s causes anxiety. Live in the present, right now is what matters the most. Remember, yesterday doesn’t exist and tomorrow is not promised. That’s all.

One of the biggest lesson I’ve learned from the few chapters that I read was real happiness comes from contributing to others, and not the desire to get recognition. Think about it, contributing to the world because you wanted to give you joy. Contributing doesn’t mean charity work or giving to other, an example being a nurse so you can help people. Desiring recognition is unhealthy you’ll end up being unhappy.

Self affirmation vs. Self acceptance, what’s the difference? Self affirmation is lying and gaslighting yourself. On the other hand, self acceptance is accepting the fact that this is what you got and look for ways to do better.

One thing I’ve also learned was from the chapter “you are not the center of the world” was you could be the main protagonist of your own life, but never in the whole world. A narcissist will think of himself as the protagonist and manipulate people so he can get whatever he wants. But a self centred person can care for himself and contribute to the community which is the whole world. Do great things in life!

“Exist in the present”

What I learned from this chapter was never look at someone for who they are because of the actions they do. Instead, follow the “level of beings” because just you being there is enough, you exist and you matter 🫵🏼

“Do not rebuke or praise” chapter blew my mind 🤯

The chapter says do not praise because it’s a form of manipulation. Think about it. When you say “good job” or “that’s great” wouldn’t you think they’re mocking you because they think you’re lower than you? (Vertical relationship). Create a horizontal relationship where 2 people are equal 🟰.

A single quote from the chapter “what real freedom is” got embedded in my heart and brain. “ It’s that you dislike by someone it is proof that you exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and sign that you were living in accordance with your own principles”

The book is not saying do bad things, engage in wrongdoings. Learn to live for you, not for someone’s recognition (separation of tasks).

“Intervening in other people’s task and taking on other people’s task turn one’s life into something had been in full of hardship” I knew this from the let them theory by Mel Robbin’s (great book btw) it’s a nice little reminder that you can’t change someone, only them. You can assist but you can’t change them.

“Life is not a competition” the moment you start thinking of others as superior to you, you are falling into feelings of inferiority. Eventually will lead to inferiority complex. We must do what Alfred Adler says “pursuit of superiority”, don’t think of this as superior complex, it doesn’t meant becoming better than anyone else in an arrogant way. He meant to grow, improve, be capable for yourself 🫵.

3 main things I learned:

Feelings of inferiority- persistent belief that you are not capable than others. Basically the feeling of incapable to do great things.
Inferiority complex - psychological state where feelings of insecurity dominate a person’s thoughts. Side effect could be sensitive to criticism and people pleasing.
Superior complex - exaggerated belief that one belief, achievements are better than others