Zana’s Reviews > The Iliad > Status Update

“Hector, you look so pretty, but you lack any ability in war. You have a splendid reputation but you run away from battle like a little girl!”

Christ 💀

“Patroclus came in close, speared his right jaw and drove the wooden spear shaft through his teeth, to hook and drag him over the chariot rail, as when a man sits on a jutting rock, and hooks a holy fish with shining bronze and fishing line, and drags it from the sea— just so he dragged him from the chariot, mouth gaping round the shining spear, and hurled him face downward on the ground...”

Wtf

“Meanwhile, Hera quickly came up to the peak of Ida—Gargaron. And Zeus who gathers clouds together saw her, and at the sight of her, desire enfolded his cunning mind, as when they first made love and went to bed together secretly, so that their loving parents would not know.”

How many incest books can I read in one year challenge

“Do you not remember when I hung you in the sky and clipped two anvils to your feet, and bound a golden chain around your hands and wrists that could not be untied? You dangled there, suspended in the air amid the clouds. All of the other gods on Mount Olympus stood round appalled but could not set you free.”

Zeus did WHAT to his sister wife???

‘“...There is no shame in fleeing from disaster, even by night. You see, when things go wrong, escape is better than captivity.”

Odysseus, the master strategist, scowled as he answered him. “Lord Agamemnon, what have you said? What words have now escaped out of your mouth and past your fence of teeth? Curse you! I wish you led some other army, a low, dishonorable one, not ours....”’

Get em!!!

“His father, noble Polyidus, had often said that he would either waste away at home and die of painful illness, or sail off, joining the other Greeks who went to Troy, and there be killed. So he chose not to suffer the cruel sickness, which would hurt his heart, and not to have to pay the Greeks’ steep fine. But Paris struck him underneath his ear, below the jaw, and then immediately life left his limbs...”

Oh

“But as Pisander lunged forward, Menelaus stabbed his forehead above his nose, right at the bridge, and broke his skull, and popped his eyeballs out.”

JESUS CHRIST

“As chickpeas or black beans jump off a shovel in some large threshing floor, tossed by the breeze and by the force and effort of the thresher—just so the arrow bounced right off the breastplate of Menelaus, master of the war cry—who struck the hand of Helenus, the one holding the polished bow.”

??????

“He stood his ground, as when upon the mountains where humans rarely go, a lonely place, a wild boar meets a band of many hunters—remaining confident of his own strength he stands his ground—along his back, he bristles, his eyes shine bright as fire, he whets his tusks, eager to drive the men and hounds away...”

These similes are outta control 😩😩

“Oilean Ajax sliced through his soft neck and cut his head off, because he was angry about Amphimachus. He swung and pitched the head across the crowd, just like a ball. It landed in the dust at Hector’s feet.”

Omg 💀💀