Zana’s Reviews > The Iliad > Status Update

“Lycaon had been using a sharp bronze blade to cut some fresh fig branches to make a chariot rail—but as he came out of his father’s orchard in the night godlike Achilles caught him unawares. He took him on his ship to well-built Lemnos and sold him as a slave to Jason’s son.”

Colonizer behavior

“This is far worse than if I found out that my father died in Phthia—where he must be miserable, shedding soft tears and missing me, his son.... The loss of you is far more terrible than if I learned that my dear son was dead, the boy whom they are bringing up for me on Scyros—godlike Neoptolemus—if he is still alive.”

And they were roommates??

So Achilles wants everyone to fight the Trojans without eating or resting just bc his bestie got killed and surprisingly, Odysseus is the voice of reason. Who would've thought??

“At this, a black cloud of despair engulfed Achilles. With both hands he scooped up fistfuls of soot and dust and poured it on his head, and rubbed the dirt across his handsome face. Black ashes settled on his scented tunic. He stretched his whole long body in the dust and lay there. With both hands, he tore his hair.”

I mean who told Patroclus to wear Achilles's armor and go ham on the Trojans???

“Hector, what other Greek will scare you next? You even ran away from Menelaus, who used to be so soft and weak in war....”

Bro what are these insults lmao

“Hector, you look so pretty, but you lack any ability in war. You have a splendid reputation but you run away from battle like a little girl!”

Christ 💀

“...but now let us enjoy some time in bed. Let us make love. Such strong desire has never suffused my senses or subdued my heart for any goddess or for any woman as I feel now for you. Not even when I lusted for the wife of Ixion, and got her pregnant with Pirithous, a councillor as wise as any god. Not even when I wanted Danae, the daughter of Acrisius, a woman with pretty ankles...”

Fuckboy final boss

“Meanwhile, Hera quickly came up to the peak of Ida—Gargaron. And Zeus who gathers clouds together saw her, and at the sight of her, desire enfolded his cunning mind, as when they first made love and went to bed together secretly, so that their loving parents would not know.”

How many incest books can I read in one year challenge

“Do you not remember when I hung you in the sky and clipped two anvils to your feet, and bound a golden chain around your hands and wrists that could not be untied? You dangled there, suspended in the air amid the clouds. All of the other gods on Mount Olympus stood round appalled but could not set you free.”

Zeus did WHAT to his sister wife???

‘“...There is no shame in fleeing from disaster, even by night. You see, when things go wrong, escape is better than captivity.”

Odysseus, the master strategist, scowled as he answered him. “Lord Agamemnon, what have you said? What words have now escaped out of your mouth and past your fence of teeth? Curse you! I wish you led some other army, a low, dishonorable one, not ours....”’

Get em!!!