Jonathon Jones's Blog - Posts Tagged "relationships"

I think one of the best ways for a single guy to tell how clean a girl is and how well she takes care of her stuff on a NORMAL basis (And not just a "planned" visit) is to ask her to do the following. Have her take a picture of herself in her bathroom mirror, and don't tell her why. If it's covered with spots/streaks/etc. and it looks like they haven't cleaned it since Ronald Reagan was in office, then folks, we have a slob on our hands.

Ladies...life isn't Disney. A beast will almost always remain a beast.

Have you ever walked by a woman who had her boobs pushed up so high you wanted to scream, "Put those things away--you're going to poke someone's eye out"? I mean, I'm a guy, so of course I like boobs. But when a woman tries to purposefully make herself look like some kind of medieval barmaid, then that's going a little overboard. I mean, I'm not about to strap on a slingshot to my crotch to lift things up and give me more of a pants bulge just so I can get more attention...sheesh. Some of the things women do amazes me.

The only thing fear will get you in this life is a table set for one.

This next statement sort of corresponds with what I talk about in some of my self-help books on dating.

It seems like most single women nowadays have delusional ideas about what a man is actually supposed to be, or they're SO independent there's no WAY a guy is going to stick around for all that head-butting, or they constantly show signs of immaturity or an inability to settle down, or they obviously have such low self esteem that they're willing to settle for guys they're just way too good for simply because how they treat them will reinforce how they actually feel about themselves---like crap.

I rarely see single women anymore who exist outside of these categories. What have we as a society done to instill such backward ideas into the minds of these young women?

I have a message to all single women. I'm filthy rich, can crack a walnut with my biceps, am actually ridiculously good looking under my glasses, am hung like a water buffalo, I never get tired of waiting outside a dressing room and holding a woman's purse, am 6 foot and really broad-shouldered, love to dance, an hour to me is foreplay, and I am always buying people really expensive gifts and traveling around the world and always having numerous adventures.

Oh, wait. That's not me. You know who that is, ladies? A rich, gay, philanthropist porn star, that's who.

See, this is what women expect when they watch too many Disney cartoons as a child and too much porn as an adult. They get grand illusions in their heads that truly aren't realistic and in no way, shape or form represent the common, everyday straight guy.

It's so sad. :(

Have you ever noticed how, with really old, obviously happily married couples that have hit their 80s-90s, the guy never seems to be the personality type that younger women would ever consider if that guy was 50-60 years younger and their own age?

I think they’re great examples of what women actually need for a relationship to survive that long. It’s not the overly macho/virile/non-stop/emotionally void or mysterious “supposedly exciting” beefcakes that end up with the woman till’ death do they part.

It’s the purse-holding “yes-dears” who are smiling and holding their hands with an intense emotional look of love in their eyes that never faded after umpteen years. Maybe you ladies should all stop to consider what that means when you go to choose when you’re younger.

Maybe us wussy but faithful, emotional lovey-dovey clingy types who DO love spending time with you as opposed to having a relationship with a beer can, the television set, gym equipment, or a random variety of females would be a much better way to go. It’s just something to think about.

In the world of dating, I find it interesting how one person can be considered trash by someone, but that same person can be viewed as a treasure by someone else. Yes, I said person. In relationships especially, it all seems to come down to perception.

I mean, it's funny how even negative-based words can mean something completely different to one person than they can another. For example, the words clingy, possessive, jealous, and controlling might make many flee for the hills, but those words might not have the same meaning for different types of people. I was discussing this with a female friend today, so I decided to reiterate my stance on the matter.

Let's start with clingy. To some people, they might think a person is being clingy when, in effect, that might just mean that the person in question loves spending a lot of time with them a LOT more than they want to spend time with that person. To others...those who are REALLY into the other person, they won't see that as clingy but, rather, that the other person adores them so much that they have trouble being apart from them. So, some people's "clingy" is another person's "they must really love me.

Or, in the case of being possessive....to those who think others are too possessive, it could just mean that "that" person who feels that way may want to still be single and do things they're not supposed to when they're in a relationship. Whereas a person who WANTS to be wanted just by that one person, well, they will adore the fact that someone else doesn't want anyone to have them, which indicates, to them, that they are definitely loved.

As for jealousy, to a person who thinks someone is too jealous, it COULD mean that the reason they're jealous is because the other person is not drawing the normal boundary lines within their relationship. If their s.o. is constantly talking on the phone with other men who are SINGLE, flirting in front of them, etc., then heck YEAH they're going to be jealous because the other person isn't making them feel safe and desired. So it's not always that a person is being too jealous but, sometimes, it was the other person not making them feel like their relationship was safe.

Or, in the case of control. One person's control is another person's "guiding" or, quite simply, them just saying what it will take in order to make them feel comfortable and/or safe. Just because a person desires something to happen a certain way in a relationship doesn't mean they're controlling. They're just wanting to feel comfortable. So one person's "controlling" is another person's "they just want to feel comfortable, so I understand why they're being like that."

So, it's all a matter of perception. Therefore, if you have a problem in a relationship, before you jump to the worst possible conclusions about a person, try to understand where they're coming from. It doesn't necessarily mean they're in the wrong, it just might mean that they feel differently about something, and the reason for it might not be so bad after all.

Nature's really weird sometimes when it gives people parts, isn't it? Like...really skinny girls with no hips but large boobs. Or really wide hips and no boobs. If both of those are biological markers of womanhood/potential motherhood, talk about a conflict of interests!

Or...really skinny frail looking guys with really large willies, or really beefy, muscular looking guys with tiny little specks of a willy. If a guy with a good body as well as a decent sized willy is an indication of manhood, why does nature often mix and match parts like that instead?

Overall, for both females and males, my own personal theory is....when genetics gives us no choice but to have parts or bodies that aren't conducive to masculinity or femininity, it sometimes gives us something else in spades to compensate for it.

And the people who are physically perfect overall? Let's all smack them simultaneously, shall we?

"The Skinny Guy"

I’m looking for that perfect day. Most of you have probably experienced it at least one time in your life. When you meet someone for the first time and their words soothe you like a newborn baby in its mother’s arms. They are the sword of life that defeats loneliness. In but a mere heartbeat they remind you that you’re not the only one who likes what you like, or thinks how you think.

Your minds shake their invisible hands in agreement, your eyes constantly remain together in a sweet embrace, and the world finally seems right again. No more waiting. No more searching. Being with them is how you breathe. You feel alive once again, far from the endless sea of solitude.

It’s not a dream because I’ve tasted it. But something so great can never last if the unending selfishness of others keeps pushing this potential eternity from my grasp. So my hands remain open, with my arms forever outstretched. I yearn for that sweet, perfect day that will finally turn into a lifetime.