Comedy Quote Quotes

“Never become an adult! They're stressed-out, miserable creatures.”
― Stewart Stafford

“I’m much more than a writer – I’m someone who puts different words together in an interesting way.”
― Carla H Krueger

“John Oliver, Trevor Noah, Stephen Colbert, Bill Maher and I have the same sense of humor. They're just better at it than I am.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, How to Defeat the Trump Cult: Want to Save Democracy? Share This Book

“Comedy is the first of the arts to fall victim to political correctness.”
― Robert Black

“Men like to borrow kisses because they know they will have to pay them back.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Having parked up at the entrance to the football ground I’d like my coffin to be taken from the hearse and carried around the mile and a half perimeter of the pitch in a fitting lap of honour. Then, after the lap of honour, I would like the undertakers to lift me out of my coffin, dress me in the home strip and sit with me in the Evans Halshaw Home Stand for a match against any team in the Essex and Suffolk Border League Division One. (From Undertaker's Question Time, 2016)”
― Nick John Whittle

“Wit is a sword. Comedy is a wolf hidden amidst the sheep. A few clever words can crumble even the hardest held prejudices.”
― L.H. Leonard, Path of the Spirit Runner

“Donald Trump made politics fun and comedic. You can't take that away from the man. Today everyone has learnt that they can also be the President of their country regardless of their background in politics. And that's commendable.”
― Mitta Xinindlu

“I was just thinking, your face looks like a bag of smashed crabs and your teeth look like a fighting patrol: cammed up, unevenly spaced and acting aggressively.”
― Wolfric Styler, Troubled Zen

“Hydrate or die.”
― Wolfric Styler, Troubled Zen

“I am sorry I hit your toes. I was aiming for your feet.”
― Dina Husseini

“RECORDING THE PAST WITH A DULL PENCIL IS POINTLESS”
― Lynn Byk, The Fearless Moral Inventory of Elsie Finch

“a gentleman never kisses &
tell, but a man prefers to fuck
& scream”
― Antariksh Ghosh

“Bad Bunny is more American than the Slovenian mail-order-bride in what’s left of the White House.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, American Fascism: A German Writer's Urgent Warning To America