Emotional Neglect Quotes

“Without realizing that the past is constantly determining their present actions, they avoid learning anything about their history. They continue to live in their repressed childhood situation, ignoring the fact that is no longer exists, continuing to fear and avoid dangers that, although once real, have not been real for a long time.”
― Alice Miller, The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self

“….Nothing was inevitable. She had not chosen this way. It was her fate. It had been decided since before time began. It had been decided before she began. Nothing could be done. There was no point in trying. It was way too late. The inevitability of nothing was totally supreme, overriding everything. No way out. No way through. She could only accept the unacceptable. She could only endure the unendurable. Nothing was wrong!

Nothing was wrong and the wrongness of this awesome nothing seeped from her. Some people, only a few, saw it. Some people, only a few felt it. Some people, only a few, recognised it and in recognising it for what it was, raged against it. Through the nothingness, these few reached out for her.

She could not reach back. Through the nothingness, these few fought for her. She could not fight back for herself. Through the nothingness, these few cared for her. She could not care back for herself. Through the nothingness, these few spoke out for her, shattering the frozen silence over and over again. She could not speak out for herself…. “

*I hope this may give some comfort to people who need it. There are good, caring people (whether outside or within yourself, if need be) and you do deserve to be cared for and supported as much as anyone else does."

From “Nothing”, one of the short stories in “Fight! Rabbit! Fight!”
― Laurie Matthew, Fight! Rabbit! Fight!

“I was a very lonely child and it's funny but the first word that comes to my head is "starved". I felt starved of affection, starved of love and I felt that it wasn't OK to ask for it. Maybe there was a sense that if I deserved it, it would be there. There must be something I'd done which meant I didn't deserve it.”
― Carol Lee, To Die For

“Emotional abuse can leave a victim feeling like a shell of a person, separated from the true essence of who they naturally are. It also leads to a victim feeling tormented and tortured by their own emotions.”
― Lorraine Nilon, Breaking Free From the Chains of Silence: A respectful exploration into the ramifications of Paedophilic abuse

“If the abuser is a parent or caretaker, the abuse may be the most attention the child has had from that person. To the child, withholding attention can be a powerful form of coercion. Sexual molestation may be accompanied by physical expressions of affection that are sometimes the only affection the child receives.”
― Rick Moskovitz, Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder

“I was so moved that she remembered my birthday that I cried harder than I had in years. When I returned her call, she told me her computer was broken and she couldn't afford to replace it. My heart fell. As I had done so many times before, I went to her rescue. Still on the phone, I went online and bought her a new laptop, top-of-the-line. That was what she had really called for, She thanked me and hung up. I went to Casey, sobbing. Soon afterward, I closed the bank account and asked my mom to not ask me for any more gifts or money. Now my relationship with my mom is very limited, and it's still very painful for me. She continues to occasionally send me bills she can't pay. I respond by telling her that I love her but I cannot pay her bills.”
― Olga Trujillo, The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

“Miracles can be found in the most unlikely of places. I found the light not by swimming to the surface, but by letting myself drown in the seas of my deepest fears. Not by eradicating the dark, but by embracing it. I realized that there is no such a thing as darkness, only light and the absence of it.
It is there in the light of unconditional love that I finally found the freedom I had been searching for so long.”
― M.M. van der Reijden, Winter Magnolia

“I thought that the world did not want me,
but the truth was that I did not want myself.”
― M.M. van der Reijden, Winter Magnolia

“The confusion, that one so young - me it seems, because I remember - should be so damaged, that no one looked out for me or cared. And even now, I grin and mock myself out of fear. But I hold the truth aloft, a golden torch, sacred, because no one else dares to.”
― Billy Childish, My Fault

“Another reason it's dangerous to acknowledge that you were unloved is that it implies the possibility that your mother may have been right-you are unlovable.”
― Victoria Secunda, When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life

“Why didn't I feel that I belonged to my parents? How early could I have known that I was not right? I think it has always been part of me. Can a newborn sense her parents' disappointment and feelings of frustration at not being able to change the unchangeable?”
― Joan Frances Casey, The Flock: The Autobiography of a Multiple Personality

“Parents who do not give their children clear messages that they are loved, whether by words or appropriate displays of affection, such as being held, cuddled, hugged, kissed, having hands shaken, and being patted on the back, are not meeting their sons' and daughters' emotional needs.”
― Kathleen Heide

“And I suppose the saddest thing for me, thinking about Oranges, is that I wrote a story I could live with. The other one was too painful. I could not survive it...I can say that there is a character in Oranges who...looks after the little Jeanette and acts like a soft wall against the hurt(ling) force of Mother...I wrote her in because I couldn't bear to leave her out. I wrote her in because I really wished it had been that way. When you are a solitary child you find an imaginary friend. There was no Elsie. There was no one like Elsie. Things were much lonelier than that.”
― Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

“There was another problem with Emma's father, difficult for a small child who already thought of herself as greedy - his way of trying to keep her attention, to bribe her, with gifts. On each vof her visits, he would appear with you presents, beautifully wrapped> And her confusion that she liked - and wanted - the presents, but not the man, was painful. He used 'sparkly Sellotape' and cut things into nice shapes and she wistfully writes:
I wish he'd be able to translate that care into his treatment of me.”
― Carol Lee, To Die For

“To be captured as a trophy and than have our emotions neglected is tragic. We might as well be stuffed and mounted on a wall!”
― Margot Datz, A Survival Guide for Landlocked Mermaids

“When I was with my mother, I sometimes thought of myself of a trophy—something to be flaunted before friends. When out of public view, I sat on the shelf ignored and forgotten.”
― Joan Frances Casey, The Flock: The Autobiography of a Multiple Personality

“a mind is only as limited
as it's capacity to
embrace his greatest enemy”
― M.M. van der Reijden, Winter Magnolia

“and you will realize
that fear is a welcome
friend at this table
it has been waiting
to tell its story
for such a long time
and for those who choose
to listen, I promise
that it will be
the most wonderful of tales
you will have ever heard”
― M.M. van der Reijden, Winter Magnolia

“come and fall apart with me
not to fall together,
but to usher in our own moment
of infinity”
― M.M. van der Reijden, Winter Magnolia

“Pero no lo pilla. No sabe que estoy siendo irónica. Ni tampoco sabe que me ha dejado hecha polvo. No sabe que me tomo su angustia de manera personal, que me siento aniquilada por su depresión. ¿Cómo puede saberlo? Ni siquiera sabe que estoy delante de ella. Si le contase que para mí es como la muerte que ni siquiera sepa que estoy ahí, me miraría desde esos ojos en los que se agolpa una aflicción desconcertada, esta niña de setenta y siete años, y gritaría airada: –¡ No lo entiendes! ¡No lo has entendido nunca!”
― Vivian Gornick, Fierce Attachments

“deity moments
are monumental
but not for a mortal
so my devoted
ask of you
to never beg for any man
you are your own wildflower
wild and free
in your devotion to
finally, only you
and you forevermore”
― M.M. van der Reijden, Winter Magnolia

“Marilla looked at her with a tenderness that would never have been suffered to reveal itself in any clearer light than that soft mingling of fireshine and shadow. The lesson of a love that should display itself easily in spoken word and open look was one Marilla could never learn. But she had learned to love this slim, gray-eyed girl with an affection all the deeper and stronger from its very undemonstrativeness. Her love made her afraid of being unduly indulgent, indeed. She had an uneasy feeling that it was rather sinful to set one's heart so intensely on any human creature as she had hers set on Anne, and perhaps she performed a sort of unconscious penance for this by being stricter and more critical than if the girl had been less dear to her.”
― L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

“When I was with my mother, I sometimes thought of myself as a trophy-something to be flaunted before friends. When out of public view, I sat on the shelf, ignored and forgotten.”
― Joan Frances Casey, The Flock: The Autobiography of a Multiple Personality

“Copiii care provin din familii disfuncționale își închipuie că, într-o relație ideală, nu există conflicte și nici mânie. Deși, rațional, ei își dau seama că așa ceva este imposibil, totuși, emoțional, asta își doresc. Mânia este pentru ei o emoție foarte complicată și în mare măsură neînțeleasă. Vorbind din perspectiva trecutului personal, mânia lor a trebuit reprimată. Copiii care cresc într-un mediu conflictual respiră permanent o atmosferă foarte încordată, iar mânia lor nu este niciodată vindecată. Au văzut că exprimarea furiei nu le-a fost niciodată de folos, ba chiar le-a făcut viața mai neagră. Furia nu i-a adus nimănui, niciodată vreun beneficiu.
În consecință, dacă ești un copil care se dezvoltă într-un ambient plin de furie, înveți cum să nu mai fii furios. În loc de asta, raționalizezi, îți explici orice situație până când reușești să o faci acceptabilă și, în cele din urmă, ajungi depresiv...
Cuvintele cu care obișnuiești să-ți descrii depresia amintesc însă de furie. Și, de vreme ce ți-ai reprimat-o îndelung, singurele ocazii în care iese la lumină sunt cele în care nu mai ești în stare să o ții sub control și ea se transformă în turbare. Furia dezlănțuită cu mare intensitate e înfricoșătoare chiar și pentru tine, fiindcă nu știi de ce-ai putea fi în stare în acele momente. Asta, din cauză că nu ai nici un fel de experiență în a-ți exprima supărarea.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, The Intimacy Struggle: Revised and Expanded for All Adults

“Marilla looked at her with a tenderness that would never have been suffered to reveal itself in any clearer light than that soft mingling of fireshine and shadow. The lesson of a love that should display itself easily in spoken word and open look was one Marilla could never learn. But she had learned to love this slim, gray-eyed girl with an affection all the deeper and stronger from its very undemonstrativeness. Her love made her afraid of being unduly indulgent, indeed. She had an uneasy feeling that it was rather sinful to set one's heart so intensely on any human creature as she has hers set on Anne, and perhaps she performed a sort of unconscious penance for this by being stricter and more critical than if the girl had been less dear to her.”
― L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

“Love offers countless reasons to embrace its charm, but can it, too, bear the weight of mortality? , Can it be Reason of Your Death”
― vishesh kakar, The Reason Of My Death: True Story Books Based on Real Life

“Misfit toys
don't bring
Christmas joy
Shut up and unwrap
your shiny new identity crisis

She's playing mind games
again
And declares herself the winner

As a child,
I looked for a heart for her
at every yard sale
I could only afford
decay”
― Casey Renee Kiser, Doll Shaker

“Their experiences with their parents have taught them that relationships mean feeling abandoned and burdened at the same time. To these people, relationships feel like traps.”
― Lindsay C Gibson, Self-care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self and Live With Confidence

“But if you've been trained to discount your feelings, you'll feel guilty for complaining if everything looks okay on the outside. If you have a place to live, a regular paycheck, enough food, and a partner or friends, conventional wisdom says, "How bad can it be?"

Many people can readily enumerate all the reasons why they should be satisfied and be shy about admitting that they aren't. They blame themselves for not having the "right" feelings.”
― Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

“An unwelcomed infant it was, poor thing! It might have wailed out of life, and nobody cared a morsel, during those first hours of existence. We redeemed the neglect afterwards; but its beginning was as friendless as its end is likely to be.”
― Emily Brontë