Status Updates From The Banana In My Butt Is A ...

Today is one of those days going down a rabbit hole of craziness

“He slipped on my peel and fell all the way down,” the banana informs me. “I tried to pull him out of the water but it was just too late. That’s when I decided to become a lifeguard.”

This excerpt is from Two time Hugo Award finalist Chuck Tingle, a man I'd never heard of before today.

Bad book club pick for April

There was already a slipping on the banana peel joke and I can't believe how hard I laughed at it 😂

I will not be explaining

THERE IS A GHOST

the banana's name is greet, he's incredibly muscular, and he has legs

THE SENTIENT HOT BANANA LIFEGUARD HAS A TRAGIC BACKSTORY LMAOOO

“As my blurry vision becomes clearer, the face of my savior comes into view, and I’m immediately struck by just how handsome he is. Apparently, the rescue tower wasn’t as vacant as I first suspected, because next to me sits a huge sentient banana lifeguard in tight red shorts, his gorgeous muscular body still wet and glistening from the salty water.”