Abuse Recovery Quotes

“Don't judge yourself by what others did to you.”
― C. Kennedy, Ómorphi

“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.”
― Alexander Den Heijer

“You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren't alone.”
― Jeanne McElvaney, Healing Insights: Effects of Abuse for Adults Abused as Children

“When a man starts my program, he often says, “I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to get a better grip.” I always correct him: "Your problem is not that you lose control of yourself, it’s that you take control of your partner. In order to change, you don’t need to gain control over yourself, you need to let go of control of her.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“Survivors of abuse show us the strength of their personal spirit every time they smile.”
― Jeanne McElvaney, Healing Insights: Effects of Abuse for Adults Abused as Children

“Some people stand and move as if they have no right to the space they occupy. They wonder why others often fail to treat them with respect--not realizing that they have signalled others that it is not necessary to treat them with respect.”
― Nathaniel Branden, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

“Hate is a normal and involuntary reaction when somebody tries to control you for no good reason. It signals that the person is extinguishing your emotional life force by getting his or her needs met at your expense.”
― Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

“Memories demand attention, and these memories will have teeth.”
― C. Kennedy, Slaying Isidore's Dragons

“Having one's mother or father or past abuser admit to their crimes or even apologize for them changes nothing--certainly not what they did. Rather, such an apology would give you the psychological permission to "move on" with your life.

But you do not need anybody's permisson to move on with your life.

It does not matter whether or not those responsible for harming you ever understand what they did, care about what they did, or apologize for it.

It does not matter.

All that matters is your ability to stop fondling the experience with your brain. Which you can do right now.”
― Augusten Burroughs, This Is How: Proven Aid in Overcoming Shyness, Molestation, Fatness, Spinsterhood, Grief, Disease, Lushery, Decrepitude & More. For Young and Old Alike.

“You can recognize survivors by their creativity. In soulful, insightful, gentle, and nurturing creations, they often express the inner beauty they brought out of childhood storms.”
― Jeanne McElvaney, Childhood Abuse: Tips to Change Child Abuse Effects

“Sometimes we self-sabotage just when things seem to be going smoothly. Perhaps this is a way to express our fear about whether it is okay for us to have a better life. We are bound to feel anxious as we leave behind old notions of our unworthiness. The challenge is not to be fearless, but to develop strategies of acknowledging our fears and finding out how we can allay them.”
― Maureen Brady, Beyond Survival: A Writing Journey for Healing Childhood Sexual Abuse

“It is strange... the reasons one feels he doesn't deserve things.”
― C. Kennedy, Slaying Isidore's Dragons

“If parents don’t label their own behavior as abusive, their child won’t label it that way either. Even as adults, many people have no idea that what happened to them in childhood was abusive. As a result, they may not recognize abusive behavior in their adult relationships.”
― Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

“Abuse is never deserved, it is an exploitation of innocence and physical disadvantage, which is perceived as an opportunity by the abuser.”
― Lorraine Nilon, Breaking Free From the Chains of Silence: A respectful exploration into the ramifications of Paedophilic abuse

“When you feel at sea in an abyss of emotions, reconnecting to the beauty of your soul can be difficult, but it is never impossible.”
― Lorraine Nilon, Breaking Free From the Chains of Silence: A respectful exploration into the ramifications of Paedophilic abuse

“Maybe I needed that somebody else could cry over my pain, to become able to cry over it myself. Nobody ever cried or was moved when I suffered as a child. (Lisa)”
― Giovanni Liotti

“Psychological and emotional wellness is an ongoing process for everyone.”
― C. Kennedy, Ómorphi

“My strength is not owed to the wounds you gave me, but my willingness to let them scar.”
― Rebecca Mix, The Ones We Burn

“No matter what, the day didn't feel like Christmas to her.

She remembered years ago, when she had been just a little kid, and the word had been enough to make her happy. Nothing stirred in her now. Her childhood felt like it had been in another life. As she sat alone in her room with tears drying to her face, she resolved that no matter what the calendar said, it wasn't Christmas.

If it was, she'd feel happy, not depressed.”
― Kayla Krantz, Survive at Midnight

“But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life, always forcing his way into the center of the picture. You deserve to have your life be about you; you are worth it.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“What plays out in our minds acts out in our bodies, and vice versa. There is sufficient scientific evidence supporting this concept.”
― Boadi Moore, Healing Your Attachment Wounds: A Guide to Healing What's Hidden in Your Attachment Style and Relationships

“No one understands what it is like to be in a relationship with a narcissist abuser. You cannot learn about this situation by merely reading books or interviewing others. Only those who have personally experienced understand its insidious nature.”
― Kathleen Keith

“I wonder why there was an implicit expectation that if I like certain behaviours or features, that I would have to like the person. I don't. I can like this and not that and it does not need to lead to only one conclusion.”
― Anita Bentata, The Wolf in a Suit: The 7 Secrets Inside Relationship Abuse

“A reframing journey after attachment trauma involves a process of meeting yourself again”
― Boadi Moore, Healing Your Attachment Wounds: A Guide to Healing What's Hidden in Your Attachment Style and Relationships

“Normalize understanding that being cared for properly is both an inherent right and basic need (see Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, 1943 ).”
― Kierra C.T. Banks

“This is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” proclaims connectedness, equality, and mutuality, not dominance or a hierarchy of power.”
― Ngina Otiende, Courage: Reflections and Liberation For the Hurting Soul

“The strength of a woman is not in how well
she adapts to a one-sided marriage
or endures a chronically immature connection.”
― Ngina Otiende, Courage: Reflections and Liberation For the Hurting Soul

“Can the sacredness of Christian gathering be the
healing pool from which the forgotten half of humanity
experiences the Living Water, is reminded they
matter more than the marital places they dwell?”
― Ngina Otiende, Courage: Reflections and Liberation For the Hurting Soul

“When you victimize yourself, you put yourself in the most dangerous position: in another person's hands reacting to their actions. When you determine you're the victim, you lose control of your ability to act on your own.”
― Waitlyn Andrews, Yes, Chef

“It doesn’t always have to be that way, however. Later friendships can offer a second chance to finally get those old needs met. I often ask adults in therapy how they managed to cope with the terrible traumas they endured. The ones who coped best, even ones with horrendous histories of abuse and neglect, were those who found a friend or supporter. Somehow, even through the betrayals and abandonments, these individuals managed to connect with someone, usually a very special person who saw through the child’s surface layer of aggressiveness, withdrawal, or fear and persisted in offering a helping hand. For some survivors of abuse, this connection came from a peer, perhaps someone whose own suffering made them especially empathic. Others were supported by an adult, someone who didn’t abuse or neglect them, but treated them with respect and dignity. Still others were shut out of human connection but managed to find a friend by connecting with a pet, a doll, a character in a favorite book or an imaginary friend.”
― Michael G. Thompson, Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children