Amy Christensen’s Reviews > Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience > Status Update

Interestingly, there is a debate among researchers about whether love is an emotion.

Quote - I’ll confess that I don’t think we’ll ever be able to fully unravel the mysteries of love, or, to be honest, many of the other emotions we experience. At least I hope not. I think attempting to better understand ourselves and each other is essential. But so is mystery

Book: Teaching to Transgress by bell hooks

Heartbreak is what happens when love is lost.

To love is to know the loss of love - Joe Reynolds, retired Episcopal priest. Note: the previous post is also his quote

QUOTE - The brokenhearted are the bravest among us - they dared to love

7 elements of trust emerged from Brown’s research data and she uses the acronym BRAVING:
Boundaries: you respect boundaries, and when you’re not clear, you ask.

Reliability: You do what you say you’ll do. This means staying aware of your competencies and limitations and don’t overpromise and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities

Accountability: You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends

Vault: You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share. I need to know that my confidences are kept, AND that you’re not sharing with me any information about other people that should be confidential

Integrity: You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them

Nonjudgement: I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talk about how we feel without judgment. We can ask for help without judgement

Generosity: you extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others

Personal Note on BRAVING: I hear and see this acronym dripping with the sludge of patriarchal Christianity. I wanted to noted the elements, but I know them as oppressive and subversive and likely what keeps especially women enslaved in modern patriarchal systems. First, I do not like the concept of boundaries. In addition to being misunderstood, it perpetuates return to toxic relationships that I know should be severed. I DO NOT keep secrets that hurt my heart. I will tell the person if I am hurt by the information they shared with me. I reserve the right to have my own support from someone who is not a therapist. Additionally this idea is EXTREMELY dangerous for children. It is what keeps them in silence. Not because they are afraid they’re abuser will kill them (that is often not even an idea they have in their heads) it is that they fear being a “bad person” because they were unable to keep a secret. Seriously, fuck this vault bullshit. I am also judging people. The idea that humans shouldn’t judge each other comes from some Christian bullshit adage of “Judge not unless ye be judged!” FINE! I WANT YOU TO JUDGE ME. Especially in the extremely dangerous world of the MAGA cult there are LINES I WILL NOT CROSS. And one of THE most devastating things I learn in 2020 is that a large number of people WILL. I KNEW as I sat at a table with two other police officers in 2020 if the rest of our ENTIRE station house found out who we three had voted for our “brothers in blue” were going to hurt us (maybe kill us) and we would be so outnumbered there would be nothing the three of us would be able to do except be disfigured for the rest of what remained of our lives IF we survived. I AM judging you. And what I have found is quite often, it doesn’t matter who is actually “wrong” - only that someone is. I am willing to be wrong, what I’m not will to do is stand by and allow my coworker to be beaten and raped simply because the Democratic candidate won. I ended my relationship with my own sister over MAGA and I will not repair it. Period. Finally, generosity is extremely dangerous. It’s often enslavement. It’s sacrifice your life for NOTHING. For example employers routinely encourage people working through their lunches and staying late without payment to show their generous commitment to the company and good ol’ American GUMPTION and Christian work ethics. Generosity is the Christian notion of Traditional Family Values that keep women slaving and burning out of domestic labor which is EXPECTED to be “freely” given. I do like Brene Brown’s writing but I doubt I would like her in person. I feel she would be one of the many women I’ve encountered who are extremely threatened by my presence. These are the women who at best, call me a man and mean it as an insult and at worst, call me a demon because the truly believe that I am all that is evil in the eyes of their murderous god

Betrayal is so painful because, at its core, it is a violation of trust

Personal Note: the concept of “flooding” is what I know to be trauma. Calling it “flooding” is the same thing as ranking trauma as “not that bad.” For the person experiencing the trauma I guarantee it IS THAT BAD. The idea that “worse” may in fact exist should NOT be celebrated. Again, this is exceptionally dangerous for children. If they are showing signs of TRAUMA it is because they have NEVER in the ENTIRETY of their whole little lives experienced something that was so overwhelming it short circuited their sense of very self. While it could be true that children MIGHT experience something “worse” when they are older should not be celebrated. In fact, if caregivers were more appreciative that they have successfully navigated a similar experience they might be able to reach the child’s lost sense of self and return them to wholeness. If they could do that, instead of building on PTSD, the caregivers would be doing their fucking job by modeling and teaching resiliency. Flooding indeed what an insensitive asshole competition for the Pity Prize. Seriously Brown fuck you on your “flooding.” You seriously missed the mark there