Amy Christensen’s Reviews > Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience > Status Update

Researchers explain that regulating and coping with anger rather than holding on to or expressing chronic anger is crucial for the health of our brain (it reduces psychiatric problems) and other organs in the body. Personal note: researchers also thought sticking ice picks into the brain and literally scrambling it was the best treatment for mental health issues. Anger, is NOT rage. This was never more clear to me when I read an article on job satisfaction which suggested I stop fighting the truth and accept that I hated my job. The article triggered a lasting epiphany that was noticed by my colleagues. I even told a few my secret, “I hate my job.” I was not in the position to leave it but embracing my anger was like finally being able to pass a massive turd. It stank, but it was necessary and kind of felt good…really good. I stopped caring about what my supervisors thought of me and instead handled every work decision from my own personal integrity. Nothing bothered me, because I was only interested in upholding my own values. I was actually seen as a much more dedicated worker because each new assignment took as long as it was going to take, I ignored any and all attempts to rush me. And I did HATE my job. I had too many experience with supervisor especially being willfully ignorant and weaponizing their incompetence. Considering I was a police officer, and those idiots were armed well…there was one lieutenant notorious for egregious misrepresentation of laws and policies. They tried to convince me my presence on a call allowed a perpetrator of domestic violence to bypass a court issued order of protection and that my arrest was a mistake and the offender should be released with my apologies. I calmly look at them without any indication of irritation and simply said, “You are the lieutenant, it is ultimately your decision.” I would have recorded the in all reports the name and badge number of that lieutenant who had given me a direct order to make the release. It was precisely one of the reasons I hated my job - I was outranked and that meant more than even the letter of the law. Perhaps it was the quiet confidence that nearly hummed from me wherever I went. The lieutenant was used to aggravating and dominating the patrol officers and I saw a flash of horror spread on their face, I assume it was because I just didn’t care. I knew more. The lieutenant knew I knew more, in fact, even the station house Captain and Commander all knew I knew more than almost every officer they had ever worked with. My intelligence, memory, and compassion for the citizens were well documented.

Quote: as a former union organizer and lifelong activist, I think anger is often the most compassionate response to experiencing and witnessing injustice. It can be a powerful catalyst for change that doesn’t need to be explained or justified. Personal note: YES! And exactly why I feel it is necessary not to “cope” with anger and surprises it as the patriarchy, hierarchies, and hustle culture would prefer. Anger is about recognizing joy and its gift of safety is gone when injustice takes root. Anger is a secondary emotion and the child of joy and sadness, but without Anger neither the self Actualization of sadness nor compassion for others can be achieved

Personal note: so many people insist that anger “hides” other emotions. No, it’s its own thing although it is the love child of Joy and Sadness, yes like if the Inside Out Characters birthed a baby. The Red character named Anger is NOT Anger, he is Rage. I am convinced Christianity specifically has manipulated people into thinking that their anger is sinful and simply MUST be given up. Without Anger, misogyny, racism, slavery, and manifest destiny not only can thrive, it DOES. Rage though is an explosion of emotions and due to that volatile energy can easily tip into violence and trauma

…contempt is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust and superiority, especially moral, ethical, or characterological. Contempt, simply put, says, “I’m better than you. And you are lesser than me.” Personal note: I call it cruelty

Each side thinks it is driven by benevolence, while the other is evil and motivated by hatred - and therefore an enemy with whom one cannot negotiate or compromise. People often say that our problem in America today is incivility or intolerance. This is incorrect. Motive attribution asymmetry leads to something far worse: contempt, which is a noxious brew of anger and disgust. And not just contempt for other people’s ideas, but also for other people. - Arthur C Brooks New York Times. Personal note: again this is a perfect example of anger being demonized especially when in a RESPONSE to contempt. I made the mistake of reaching out to my sister expressing my fears for funding cuts to domestic violence agencies, the overturning of Roe and the loss of the already precarious rights of the female gender (ALL of my predictions were 100 percent accurate by the way) and she inadvertently included me as she forwarded my text messages to any number of her MAGA friends celebrating these very concerns. Worse still thanks to the use of emoji, her contempt for me was there in black, white, and little circles of yellow. I responded simply with, “I saw your text message.” I found it telling that when I went to facebook to block her, she had already blocked me. I was not demonstrating contempt, that was hers alone. I was angry. And sister or no, I will not maintain a relationship with someone who is literally celebrating violence done to subjugate others or utterly destroy them. Anger holds others to a standard of human decency. I will NOT stand by and support the dehumanization of anyone simply because they have some defining feature they have no control over. I will not put aside my anger. If my sister wants a relationship with me she will have to understand that what she did was beyond my personal “hurt feeling.” She was positively giddy and the thought of violence done to me and others like me. Yes, she is unequivocally my enemy. While I know my sister has never killed anyone, put a gun in her hand and terror in her heart and she could easily kill anything and everything in her path. I am different. I haven’t killed anyone but I have had multiple opportunities to do so but was without contempt or terror coursing through me and everyone lived another day. Contempt is explosive Anger is calm. But it’s not surprising that a patriarchal MAGA writer would wax on with crafty words arguing my anger at my sister’s glee for violence is the same as my insistence that it is unequivocally a line I will NOT cross except in order to protect the life of an innocent

Contempt makes political compromise and progress impossible - Arthur C Brooks Personal note: yes, it does. I again must reiterate that Anger and Contempt are not the same thing. I will not compromise when it comes to violence. In my sister’s case, she is free to live her life without me in it. Her feelings of discomfort at my absence is entirely the result of her celebration of violence. They do not belong to me. My anger is a response to her abhorrent love of violence. Violence I know with intimacy and experience she should know she herself does not possess. My sister was dehumanizing me and other like me, I will remember that she made this choice and has since informed me, she will gladly continue to do

Brooks’ solution is not that we need to disagree less, but we need to learn how to disagree better - without contempt and cruelty. Personal note: I still like Brown’s writing and I am enjoying this work because it is stimulating a critical look at emotions. However her insistence on all things being neutral is likely to ensure I will never read her works in the future or continue to support and recommend her research. Neutrality is a fallacy. To be neutral is to betray everyone, and especially yourself. Switzerland made large sums of money from Hitler’s endeavors. Neutrality is just betrayal in a shiny dress. Brown is too worried about losing her MAGA fan base which given the clean devotion to the separatist, isolating Christian values throughout her work, makes sense. While we may share the same horror at the unvaccinated, the difference between us is clear. She wants to punish others for endangering HER, I want those people removed from my community so no one is put in danger from their ignorance and selfishness. A selfish Brown shares, but because we seem to both agree vaccines are good, she believes she is my equal. Morally, no Brown we are not. I’ll give you my sister’s address I’m sure you would enjoy each other’s company

Dehumanizing others is the process which we become accepting of violations against human nature, the human spirit, and for many of us, violations against the central tenets of our faith. Personal note: I grew up in a family I now know held me in contempt. Because I was a child without agency I had to adapt to this behavior and constantly placate and supplicate. While I had great compassion for the suffering of others (I wanted to be the person I needed in my suffering) I was convinced that if I could just communicate better and love my parents (and later extremely violent partners) hard enough I could break through the trauma I was sure they had survived and we could all skip happily ever after into a place of healing. This is not healthy, and it is not compassionate, it is not benevolence, it is delusion. The moment I observe contempt given to me I immediately terminate the relationship. I do not need to cause them any harm or even seed justice or some other kind of revenge because I will recognize them as my enemy the moment they crinkle their nose at me. They are not my sister, and if she is barred from my presence because she enjoys laughing at my pain, I am certainly not going to tolerate it from a stranger. They are free to enjoy their violence far far away from me. This idea that connection is possible is DANGEROUS. I would like to entertain the possibility that growth is possible, I will not to be so arrogant to assume that ONLY I can be the catalyst for someone’s else’s growth. I advocate that when you first feel contempt, give up. Leave the relationship in the hands of that other person. If you were mistaken, the person will reach out to repair your connection, but I find it far more probable they will only engage in attack at every meeting. Block them, do not waste any more time and energy on them. They do in fact, want to hurt you

Research shows that a lack of direct contact such individuals [people whose affiliation with a group that doesn’t align with our beliefs] can actually strengthen hate. This confirms my belief that people are harder to hate close up…

Personal note: yes because close up you may need something from them making you more likely to compromise for the sake of physical (but more probably emotional) survival, or you may have to be Brave and decide on fight or flight. I hate Christianity. It is one of the greatest evils ever unleashed onto humanity. In the past, I was forced to be in community with Christians. I may still have to work with them and provide services to them but beyond doing my job my hatred will remain and I will now refuse to socialize. I do not need Christian friends. I will tell them straight to their face the religion is the cause of our impasse. I am not discriminating, I am not barring them from the practice of their face or my service. I am barring them from my intimate company.