Stephanie Lahart's Blog - Posts Tagged "kids"

Isn’t it amazing how all of us are born as innocent little children? Babies are beautiful little bundles of joy. As adults, we enjoy watching them grow and learn different things like: learning how to crawl, taking their first steps, holding their bottle for the first time, feeding themselves, and all the other things that bring a big smile to our faces.

As we grow up, things and people help shape and mold us into the people that we become. Sometimes in our lives, we become a victim of something that nobody should ever have to endure or experience.

I’m talking about being violated. Many people have experienced some kind of violation in their lives. It’s a subject that nobody likes to discuss because of the shame. Let’s get one thing straight! Don’t blame yourself for what happened to you. You were taken advantage of by somebody who knew better, and they had no right to do what they did, period!

So many people go through life living with the shame of what happened to them. It’s not fair to you that you have to live life with emotional and mental scars. In some severe cases, people have physical scars depending on what took place. People deal with what happened in many ways. Some choose to suppress it and act as if it never happened because they don’t want to face the fact that something like that happened to them.

Here are some other things that someone may go through: having a tough time in relationships, serious intimacy issues, lack of trust, little-to-no confidence in their self, resentments, anger issues, emotional damage, self-destructive behavior, etc.

You were robbed of your innocence. Some people are open about what happened, but there are still a large percentage of people who never discuss it. Molestation and rape is absolutely NOT your fault.

You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. Remember, YOU were taken advantage of. Don’t allow anybody to make you feel like you caused this or that you brought this on yourself. That’s pure nonsense!

If you haven’t talked about it or dealt with it, please get help. It’s not fair that you have to keep this inside of you and not get it out. If you’re not a huge fan of counseling, talk to somebody that you can confide in and completely trust.

My prayer is to see you get set free. Free from all of the shame, hurt, and pain. You’re not alone. This happens to more people than you think. It’s not right, it’s WRONG, and it has to stop.

If you have kids, make sure that you talk to them, and if they ever come to you, make sure you listen and believe them. Molestation and rape doesn’t just happen with strangers. Many families have ill-minded people that hurt their family members too. Don’t be in denial, be aware.

I pray right now in the name of Jesus, that God will heal your every wound and give you peace.

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“It’s so easy and convenient to buy our children gifts, but I encourage and challenge you to give them gifts that TRULY matter! The gift of unconditional love. The gift of encouragement. The gift of support. The gift of friendship. The gift of communication,understanding, and patience. The gift of guidance and support. The gift of quality time. And the gift of loving them for who THEY are. Material things are nice, but NOTHING compares to genuine love! Parenting should be taken seriously.”

– Author Stephanie Lahart

You’re thinking to yourself: “I didn’t sign up for this shit!” Married, but feeling lonely. Married, but thinking about cheating. Married, but dealing with more than your fair share of everyday life situations. In your marriage vows, you promised to love your spouse for better or for worse, but sometimes it’s much easier said than done, right?

All marriages have their challenges, some bigger than others. For some odd reason, when we get married, we think that our lives are going to be this perfect union until reality shows us something different. In the midst of working, going to school, taking care of the kids, trying to please our spouses, and handling all of the responsibilities of home life, things can get extremely overwhelming AND sometimes we feel like we’ve lost all control. Unfortunately, when we experience pressure that we’re not used to, our attitude, behavior, and the way we think can be all over the place. Our emotions tend to get the best of us.

As humans, we can sometimes be selfish without even realizing that we’re doing it. It’s all about OUR wants and OUR needs. But have you ever stopped to think about what your spouse is going through, too? Although you’re married, you have to remember that you’re both individual people. You both have your own personal challenges and struggles. It’s life! Nobody’s exempt from issues.

Like reading a good fiction, romance novel, cheating takes you to a place where you feel fulfilled, even if it’s temporary. For that period of time you feel free! Free from the realities of the real world. That leads me to what I would like to talk about next.

Loneliness and Cheating in Your Relationship

So you’re feeling lonely, huh? I get it! Your spouse isn’t showing you the attention that you desire. Your spouse isn’t spending enough time with you. Your spouse doesn’t make love to you the way that they used to. Your spouse is SO busy that they miss out on the things that are TRULY important to you. Your spouse just doesn’t seem to be interested in you like they used to be. You just don’t feel appreciated, and communication is nonexistent. And when you DO try to talk, it just ends up in a heated argument over the smallest things.

With all of this “stuff” going on in your life, temptation is having its way with you. You’re tempted to do some things that you know aren’t right. But what the hell, right? You’re sick of this crap and you need a break from it all.

Let Me Ask You a Question

Have you even tried to communicate your feelings and thoughts to your spouse? Do they know what and how you’re feeling and/or thinking about? Listen, if you don’t communicate what you’re feeling, it’s not fair to your mate. It’s just not! If you want something from your mate, you have the responsibility to do your part. Open your mouth and speak up! You can’t expect your mate to know what’s going on in that mind of yours if you don’t say anything.

No matter how difficult or painful it may be, you have to talk about it. Communication can save a relationship from going down a road of pain, hurt, regret, anger, and betrayal. If you’re feeling lonely, communicate that to your partner. Set aside some quiet time where there won’t be any distractions. Make sure that you have their full attention, keep eye contact, and ensure that they fully understand the feelings that you’re experiencing. Don’t down play what you’re feeling. Your mate needs to know that you need more of them. Whether it is more time, sex, attention, etc… it needs to be brought to the table.

Seeking Comfort Elsewhere Won’t Solve Anything

Don’t get caught up! Temporary pleasure can turn out to be your worst nightmare. Don’t become a victim simply because you want to feel good for the moment. You may find yourself in a situation that you never saw coming. What you thought was temporary, is now YOUR secret. Irresponsible choices can cost you big time!

Think it Through

Could you REALLY live with yourself if you cheated on your partner?

Would it be worth losing the person that you know you love and care about? Would it be worth possibly losing your family? Would it be worth destroying his/her trust in you? Would it be worth having to start all over again with someone who doesn’t even compare to your current spouse? Would it be worth it to see those tears in his/her eyes? Would it be worth seeing the pain that you’ve caused on his/her face? Would it be worth it to destroy everything that you’ve both built together? Would it be worth it to break their heart over your selfishness and weakness? Would it be worth it to betray the man or woman that you promised to be faithful to? Or furthermore, would you be able to forgive yourself, if you gave your spouse an STD? Always remember this: When you decide to cheat, you’re taking a huge risk. A risk that could turn your life upside down.

Some things just aren’t worth it. Think! Think about what your choices could do to you, your partner, and maybe even your family. I encourage you to be mature enough to make the right choices. The wrong choices can literally ruin your life, and to me, ruining your life over a quick fix is just NOT worth it! Not at all.

Written By Author Stephanie Lahart

This article was written to give parents some real food-for-thought about staying in their unhealthy relationship for the sake of the kids. It's an eye-opener as to how kids can be affected negatively because the parents choose to stay together although they're clearly unhappily married. Sometimes, we as parents, think that we're making the best choices for our children, but in actuality, we're doing more damage than good. This article is honest and truthful. We have an obligation to do right by our children. Right?

I hear a lot of people say that they're staying in an unhappy relationship for the sake of the kids. Both parents clearly don't get along anymore and they both want to get out of the relationship.

This is where you have to ask yourself some tough questions: Is arguing and bickering in front of the kids all of the time healthy? Is it fair to the kids that they have to live in a home where we don't speak respectfully to one another? Is it fair that the kids have to witness abuse? Remember, abuse is not just physical. Is it fair that the kids hear us argue over finances all of the time? Is it fair to pretend that we're happy when they know that we're not? What kind of message are you sending to them?

When you're in a relationship and you're both willing to work things out, like going to counseling or getting outside help from the church or whatever your choice may be, that's one thing. But when you both know in your hearts that it's over, it would be wise for both of you to be mature, make arrangements, and move on for the sake of the kids.

What good is it to stay for the kids if all they see is unhealthy behavior from their mom and dad? It's just not fair to them. It's important to know this: When children witness this kind of behavior regularly, they can easily become scared, confused, angry, and feel isolated. Bringing kids up in an environment that's unhealthy can also cause them to be mentally unstable. If your kids are old enough to understand, it can affect how they act in school and the relationships that they build with others.

I know that walking away from a relationship when you have kids can be a very difficult choice to make, but think about the kids. They don't deserve this. If they can't have their mom and dad behave like loving adults as it should be, then what good is staying? You're main goal should be raising happy, healthy, and good-natured children. Living in a negative environment will soon rub off on them. Kids can feel when something's not right. Kids know how to get attention whether it is in a negative or positive way. They'll act out in ways that aren't normal because they're seeking attention. They'll start getting into trouble or hurting themselves simply because they don't quite understand what's going on. Most kids will begin to think that they're at fault.

You say that you're staying for the kids, but ask yourself, is it truly worth it? Seriously think it through.

Stephanie Lahart is an Author, Poet, Teen Motivational Speaker, and a Teen Mentor. She also has 2 successful online stores: TshirtsbyLahart and InspirationbyLahart. Want to connect with and/or learn more about Stephanie Lahart? Feel free to visit her website. https://about.me/stephanie.lahart